


Free Fall 2: Breathing Evenly

by Anya_P3



Category: Freier Fall | Free Fall (2013)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-01-30 20:48:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 27,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21434491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anya_P3/pseuds/Anya_P3
Summary: Five years have passed since Marc and Kay last saw each other.Marc spent that time finally learning to breathe evenly, discovering who he is and what he wants.But is it too late to fix what he'd broken?(Inspired by the Free Fall 2 teaser videos)
Relationships: Marc Borgmann/Kay Engel
Comments: 283
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

The drive from Munich to Ludwigsburg take two and a half hours, which means he won't be able to see Lukas as often as he likes. Bettina had assured him it's an amazing opportunity he shouldn't pass up. Lukas is getting older, she'd reasoned, which would make weekend trips to Munich and back easier for them both.  
Her encouragement had sealed the deal. Mark accepted the offer to build and command a second police riot control unit in Munich. He'd never get a promotion like that in Ludwigsburg.

That weekend he relocates to the city he knows Kay's been stationed in for the past few years.

On his first day, Erich Schmidt, the director of the riot control department and his new boss, introduces him to the members of the current riot control unit; Kay's unit.  
Marc is keenly aware of Kay's initial shock at seeing him. But true to form, Kay manages to keep his cool.  
At the end of the workday, Marc waits for him outside the station entrance, smoking in the shadows. The similarity to a previous encounter between them isn't lost on him, as he plays in his mind the day he'd waited in the shadows when Kay returned late to the academy, all those years ago.  
Within several minutes Kay appears, coat and backpack on, heading home for the night.  
Marc steps out of the shadows and says, just loud enough for Kay to hear, "It's good to see you".  
Kay stops in his tracks, eyes him curiously for a moment and quips, "What are you doing here?"

Marc takes a long drag of his cigarette and responds calmly, "It was time for a change; a big city, a new challenge. This job came along and seemed like the right opportunity..."

Kay holds his gaze for a moment, "Did you know I'd be here?"

Marc thinks he hears a note of cynicism but ignores it. "You mean, did I come looking for you? I didn't. But I knew you were here."

Kay's expression is tense. He lets out a quiet "mmhmm".

He then exhales and takes Marc in more closely, "You look the same. You haven't changed."

Marc isn't sure it's a compliment, but he mutters a quick "thanks".

Then abruptly, Kay's features mold into a determined expression and he snaps, "anyway, I have to run. See you around." He begins walking away.

The sudden transition catches Marc by surprise, but he regains his composure quickly and says what he'd wanted to say in the first place, "Hold on a sec, do you think we can we talk? Tomorrow night maybe? I'd like to clear the air between us. There are a few things I want to say. I…I want us to be able to work together properly, without baggage."

Kay had stood in place and glanced back as Marc spoke.

He looks him over, considers quickly and says, "Tomorrow doesn't work for me. Saturday. Café Bla on Lilienstrasse, 8:00 pm."

=============================================================================================

**Café Bla, Saturday Evening**

Kay is sitting on a tall boy, looking out the window, waiting. He must admit, he's curious to hear what Marc has to say after all these years. He can't ignore that seeing him again has had an impact. He's felt distracted these past few days. Marc's arrival took him back to the anger, the hurt, the disappointment, and also to the moments of pure ecstasy they'd shared. He even found himself falling down that old rabbit hole in his mind of "what ifs…" He'd played that game a lot the first year after he left. It wasn't productive so he cut it off as soon as it started.

A few minutes later, Marc walks in purposefully, looking eager. He looks like a man with a plan. He notices Kay is already nursing a coffee, so quickly orders one too and makes his way to his table.

Kay turns slightly in his seat to face him, a neutral expression on his face.

Marc sits down across from Kay, "Hi"

The blond nods and waits.

"Thanks for meeting me…"

Marc pauses to take a sip of his coffee and focus his thoughts. He realizes he's stalling, unsure how to begin. Kay keeps looking at him silently, waiting. The tension is palpable.

"It's still strange to be sitting here with you. I'd imagined it so many times …" Marc begins.

Kay raises an eyebrow, intrigued but still maintaining an air of detachment.

"The first thing I need to say is that I'm sorry for how I treated you in Ludwigsburg. I was dealing with so much shit while fighting my feelings for you. I never considered your side, never thought about how hard I made it for you."

He pauses, takes a deep breath and adds softly, "I knew it wasn't right even then, but I couldn't stop. I was stuck in my own head and couldn't see anything else. But I never wanted to be such a dick to you, Kay. You deserved so much better."

He looks squarely at Kay as he speaks, trying to gauge his reaction. Thoughts race through his mind: 'Does he care? Is he even interested?'

Kay's brow softens slightly at hearing the apology. It's way too late for it to make a difference, but it's still nice to hear. He nods almost imperceptibly, prompting Marc to keep going.

Marc takes another sip of coffee, then continues, "The second thing I need to say is thank you."

This catches Kay off guard. Marc gives him a small smile and continues, "I fought you every step of the way because you were forcing me to face parts of myself I'd couldn't accept, things I needed to stay buried. I don't know if I'd ever have had the courage to accept them if it weren't for you.

Wanting you like I did forced me to think about who I was and what I really wanted. Back then I cursed you for it, blamed you for ruining my life. Part of me hated you for it. Hated you because I couldn't stay away from you."

Kay's eyes lock onto his, but Marc manages to finish his thought, "It took me a long time to realize how badly I needed it. Needed you."

His eyes shift down and his voice trails off towards the end of the speech. He's planned and rehearsed it many times, but Kay's magnetic presence was never there during rehearsals. He existed only in Marc's head. Now the real Kay was sitting across from him, looking at him intently, mulling over what he'd been saying. It made him lose some of his self- assurance.

Kay's expression is unreadable for a minute and Marc waits, holding his breath, unsure of what reaction he'd get. Then a small sexy, cocky grin emerges, the same one he'd seen so many times in his dreams over the years, and Kay says: "I'm pretty sure that's the most words you've said to me in all the time we'd spent together."

He chuckles lightly and gets up from his seat, drawing closer, and Marc suddenly realizes Kay is coming in for a hug. The hug is open, friendly, signifying the initial anxiety and stress of seeing each other has passed. The ice has been broken.

"It's nice to see you Marc." He says in a warmer tone.

Kay takes another long look at him, "the other day I said you hadn't changed at all. Maybe I was wrong. Now that I got a closer look, I can see you're more present, more confident, less cagey. It looks good on you."

Marc's sigh of relief is almost audible. His goal had been to get through his speech but had no idea what to expect after that. Would Kay storm off? Brush him off? Mock him? Kiss him? The last option was one of the fantasies he'd harbored, though he never truly expected it to happen. A friendly hug was not something he'd ever considered. He's not dissatisfied with it though; it's definitely a positive development.

Kay doesn't sit back down after their hug. He remains standing, and Marc worries he's about to leave, so he quickly says, in what he hopes is a light tone, "so why don't you talk a little now? Fill me in on the last 5 years of your life."

Kay flashes him a cautious but genuine smile as he nods, "let's get out of here. We can walk around, take in the city while we talk."

Marc does his best to maintain a neutral expression, but inside he's feeling a rush of excitement knowing the evening hasn't come to a short end. They bundle up in their coats and walk out of the café. The pair fall into a comfortable rhythm walking side by side in the cold night air.

A moment later Kay begins, "Let's see, I've been in Munich for almost 5 years and I love it. It's home now. Work's been good, challenging. It's a much less toxic environment than Ludwigsburg. Fewer narrow-minded homophobic pricks around."

He sneaks a look at Marc as he says this, gauging Marc's comfort level with the topic.

Marc asks curiously, "does everybody at work know about you?"

Kay turns to hold his gaze, "I'm not hiding anything, Marc. What you see is what you get. I could give two shits about other people's prejudices."

Marc nods silently, taking in how strong and honest Kay is. Has always been. He silently admits to himself that even with the years that have passed and the long way he'd come in accepting his preferences, he's still not as comfortable in his own skin as Kay.

Kay continues, "everyone in my unit knows Jan, my boyfriend, so there are no secrets. Actually, I think they might like him better than they like me" he adds with an amused grin.

Marc had prepared for this situation, of course, Kay being involved with someone. He knew there was a very slim chance an attractive, sexy, confident guy like Kay would've stayed single long. But hearing it is still the punch in the gut he knew it would be.

Jan. The name alone grated on him.

"Tell me about Jan," he adds quietly, taking pains not to allow the irrational pangs of jealousy he knew he had no right to feel seep through.

Kay smiles, "he's a literature lecturer at LMU. He's a good guy, super smart, witty, with a dorky sense of humor. And a phenomenal cook. We met at a party 2.5 years ago and have been together since. Living together for the past 2 years. It's good. It's real. It's a nice life."

Kay sneaks a curious look at Marc as he talks, gauging for a reaction. It's strange to discuss Jan with Marc. A bit surreal. But he's trying to prevent it from being too awkward. Marc isn't a bad guy, and judging by his behavior so far, he really seems to have matured and chilled in the last 5 years. Innately, Kay understands that tonight, this conversation Marc wanted, will define the type of relationship they develop moving forward. They either get through the awkwardness and figure out how to co-exist in the same city and the same workplace, or the awkwardness could fester and make it uncomfortable to work together, maybe even allow their baggage to interfere with the rest of the unit.

Jan sounds very different from who Marc would've expected Kay to end up with.

"No more clubbing for you, then? You stay home streaming Netflix nowadays?" He asks with a grin.

Kay laughs, "let's say clubbing isn't a part of my day to day anymore. Sometimes, when I need to take a breath, I indulge, but probably no more than a few times a year."

They've reached a promenade with a gorgeous view of the city skyline and stop to take it in. Standing side by side, both hold onto the concrete railing in front of them, the wind gusting.

Kay turns to face Marc and asks, "how about you? What have you been up to?"

Then adds softly, "are Bettina and Lukas with you in Munich?"

Marc shakes his head slowly as he locks eyes on Kay's: "I broke up with Bettina the day after you left. The moment I realized you were gone; I knew she and I had nothing left to hold onto."

Kay is taken aback. He hadn't expected this. All these years, he'd thought Marc had chosen his old, safe life, that of a traditional family man. But if he hadn't stayed with Bettina either, why had he broken it off with him? Everything Marc's said that evening rushes back as Kay tries to piece together what Marc is telling him.

He left him, then he left Bettina. He apologized for how he'd treated him, and a second later had thanked him for forcing him to face who he was and what he wanted…

The only conclusion Kay can come up with is that Marc had realized he hadn't wanted either of them. Is that what he's saying? Thanks for helping me understand I wanted more than you or Bettina could offer me?

Scheisse, this happened 5 years ago. Why the hell does it still hurt so damn much? I shouldn't even care.

Oblivious to Kay's confusion, Marc goes on, "Lukas and Bettina live in Stuttgart and I spend as much time as I can with him. I visit twice a week and get him every other weekend. He's 5 now, and so smart!"

He lifts his phone to show Kay a picture of an adorable 5-year-old laughing at the camera, looking like a happy, carefree little version of Marc.

Kay smiles softly, "he's beautiful."

Looking a little crestfallen, Mark adds, "unfortunately, I'll get to spend less time with him with the move, but Bettina encouraged me to go. I'd never get an opportunity like this in Ludwigsburg."

Kay nods thoughtfully, "congratulations Marc. It's quite a promotion. You must've really impressed them."

Mark nods a quick thank you.

Kay can't help but ask, "do you have someone in your life, Marc? A woman? A man?"

Marc pauses as his gaze travels up Kay's figure and focuses on his clear blue eyes.

"I'm a free agent," he murmurs. "Lukas, and through him, Bettina, are my only attachments. I've dated people over the years, but nothing ever got very serious. Not since us."

Marc's gaze bores into Kay, unsettling him. And Marc's words are pissing him off. "Us?" Kay hisses, "we were serious?"

Marc holds his gaze defiantly, "to me we were. It may have been a blip on your radar, but it turned my entire life upside down. I haven't felt that much for anyone since."

Kay's handsome features harden as he shakes his head, obviously frustrated, "everything is so difficult with you, Marc. Still after all this time. I never know what you mean, even now that you're finally talking. You're still vague and not making sense!

You show up here after 5 years and tell me you never found anyone else after dumping me, sending me packing. You say you walked away from Bettina after you lost me. You admit you've known I was in Munich all this time, but never reached out, never tried to find me.

What the hell are you doing here now, Marc? What do you want from me?"

Kay's agitation is surprising, but on some level, Marc welcomes it. He wouldn't get upset if he didn't still care, right? Without overthinking it, Marc steps closer and places his arm on Kay's shoulder. The blond flinches initially, looks at Marc's arm, then turns to face him.

Marc speaks quietly but firmly, "I'm not here to fuck up your life, Kay. I came here for the job. But as I said, I knew you were here, and I won't pretend that didn't sway my decision too."

He continues to hold the other man's gaze.

"You talked about not living with secrets and I respect that. I made the same decision when you left. When I realized what I'd pushed away because I was too much of a pussy to admit how much I wanted it."

Kay's eyes shut when he hears the last sentence.

"I'm a very different person today. I'm not that selfish kid trying to please everyone around him. I'm not running away from the truth, or from making hard decisions.

But 5 years ago, I wasn't ready for any of that. My world had just shattered, and I had to confront the fact that I wasn't who I'd thought I was, who my family and friends had believed I was.

It was lot to deal with; a full-blown identity crisis. I needed to sort myself out before I would have anything to offer you…or anyone else for that matter."

Marc's eyes and voice soften as he takes a step towards Kay and places both arms on his shoulders.

"I wanted to look for you more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life. I was devastated when you left. But I forced myself not to go after you. You deserved so much more than what I could give you. For once, I knew I had to think of you and not just follow my own whims and desires. I needed to stay the fuck away from you until I would no longer run the risk of hurting you again."

The force of Marc's conviction and the tenderness of his admission leave Kay speechless. All he knows for certain is that while Marc may not have come here with the intention of fucking up his life, the emotions raging inside him may very well do it for him.

Without words, Marc wraps his arms around him. Kay's head finds Marc's strong shoulder, and he lets Marc hold him as he breathes in his still familiar scent and this intoxicating newfound strength Marc crashed back into his life possessing. They remain this way for what feels like a very long time, until Kay separates from him. He takes a small step back, shielding himself from the stark intimacy he never expected.

"What do you want from me, Marc?" Kay's voice sounds wrought, unsure.

Marc remains silent, as he searches for the right words. Honest but not threatening to Kay tonight. He knows he must be careful not to push him too far too soon.

"I want to be colleagues, first and foremost. And maybe friends? Honestly, I don't have any expectations. I'll take whatever you're willing to give."

Kay is relieved by this. He hadn't quite known how tonight would go, but the way the evening played out has knocked him on his proverbial ass. So many revelations, admissions, apologies, so many misconceptions cleared up. He was physically and emotionally drained. He needed to get away from Marc, step back into his real life and process it all.

Kay puts his hands in his coat pockets and sighs, then turns to Marc and says, "colleagues, yes, of course. We won't have issues professionally. The rest - I need time to think; sort it out for myself. This conversation…seeing you again…it's a lot."

Marc nods.

Kay lights a cigarette, and with one final look, says, "I'll see you."

Marc feels the temperature drop as he watches him walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc and Kay begin their professional relationship.
> 
> Marc meets Jan.
> 
> Marc and Kay share a sweet moment.

**The following week**

Marc is in Schmidt’s office for their weekly status meeting.  
“I went over your proposal, Borgmann. A lot of interesting ideas we haven’t tried before.”  
Schmidt’s voice booms.  
“You have some strong strategies for establishing efficiencies across the units, and I was particularly impressed by the interval training program for new cadets.”  
Marc beams at his boss’ feedback.  
He notices Schmidt’s eyes narrow as if he’s mulling something over.  
“I don’t know how the team will respond to these plans, I have to admit. You know the police force isn’t known for welcoming change. We have to find a way to implement them without getting push back from the unit.”  
Marc nods thoughtfully.  
“So, I’ve decided to appoint a liaison from the current unit to partner with you on the project. He’s one of our best; experienced, smart, and well respected by the men. Kay can give you the lay of the land and the two of you can figure out how to make the changes happen effectively, without alienating the men.  
Marc wasn’t sure he heard him correctly. _He said Kay, right?_  
God, he hoped there wasn’t another Kay in the unit.

Two hours later, **his ** Kay is standing at the entrance to Marc’s new office, which is still bare save for a framed photo of Lukas on the desk.  
He clears his throat to get Marc’s attention.  
Marc gestures for him to come in.  
Kay walks toward the empty chair by the desk, but before sitting down reconsiders, turns around and shuts the door behind him. Then takes a seat across form Marc.  
“This isn’t my doing, you know. It was all Schmidt.”  
Marc feels the need to explain, after agreeing to give Kay time to process his return.  
“I figured. It’s a good opportunity for me, so I’m not going to complain.”  
The pair spend the next two hours diving into Marc’s plans for the new unit, with Kay providing helpful input about the team, the internal politics, and the accepted processes within the department. Working together is amicable. Both are devoted to their jobs and are excited to be working on the project.

Marc looks at his watch and realizes the time.  
“Is there anywhere close by we can grab a bite? The canteen doesn’t serve lunch past 2:00, right?” he asks.  
Kay’s eyebrows shoot up, also surprised.  
“There’s a decent bratwurst stand a block away.”  
Marc is already on his feet as he says, “let’s go!”  
They walk together silently, order their brats and sit down on a nearby bench to eat.  
They eat in silence for a few minutes, until Kay says, “I told Jan about you.”  
Marc doesn’t know what to say, so he just looks up at Kay.  
“I told you, no secrets”, the blond explains quickly.  
Marc nods. “Had you ever spoken about me before? Does he know our history?”  
“Yeah, he knows.”  
So many questions race in Marc’s mind: _what did Kay say about him? Were they in bed when they discussed him? Was Jan caressing Kay’s face, his body while discussing him? _  
Marc feels his jealousy rise, so he forces himself to breathe evenly. The last thing he needs is to scare Kay off.  
With a forced neutral expression, he mutters, “and?”  
Kay takes a bite of his brat and looks straight ahead, not at Marc, as he replies  
“He’d like to meet you. Suggested we have you over sometime.”  
Marc’s snort escapes too quickly for him to stop it. Kay looks at him with a raised eyebrow  
“I take it you’re not interested?"  
He looks back at Kay, his eyes narrowing, “I’m not sure how comfortable that would be. For any of us.”  
Kay’s mouth forms a dry smile  
“Still hiding, Marc? Still compartmentalizing people in your life?”  
He takes a moment to think. _Does Kay want him to meet Jan? Is this some sort of test? _  
He dabs the corners of his mouth with the napkin, and says, “No, you’re right. I’d be happy to come over sometime. Thank you.”  
The two men rise and walk back to the station in silence, each lost in his own thoughts.

The rest of the week goes by quickly. Marc and Kay spend several hours a day working together. They form a comfortable working relationship, both careful not to bring up personal matters during their work sessions.  
Thursday evening, as they’re packing up for the day, Kay unexpectedly asks Marc about his plans for the coming weekend.  
“I’m heading to Stuttgart on Saturday to see Lukas. I’ll spend the night there and come back Sunday evening.”  
Not for the first time, Kay notices that Marc’s eyes sparkle whenever he talks about his son.  
He nods and adds, “if you don’t have plans Friday night, Jan and I are having a few friends over for wine and cheese  
*he can’t help but scoff as he says it*  
Jan’s into that. You’re welcome to join."  
At first Marc considers declining the invitation, thinking about the early drive to Stuttgart the following morning, but his curiosity gets the better of him, and he accepts.

**Friday Evening:**

He tries on three different shirts before he leaves for Kay and Jan’s. He feels like a teenager going on a first date, though he’s not sure why. He’s pretty sure the invitation came from Jan, who probably just wants to size up the competition.  
Marc arrives at the address Kay gave him. It’s a pleasant building in a trendy neighborhood. The apartment is on the ground floor, and he can see a handful of people holding wine glasses, chatting on the veranda.  
This isn’t typically his scene. He’s surprised it’s Kay’s.  


He rings the doorbell and waits. A moment later a pleasant looking man opens the door. The man is about his height, fit, with wavy brown hair, and bookish glasses framing warm brown eyes. He looks a few years older than him. The man smiles, extends his hand,  
“You must be Marc! Come in!”  
Marc shakes his outstretched hand, sneaking a glance behind him, searching for Kay.  
“I’m Jan. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”  
He claps Marc on the back and ushers him into the apartment, where he introduces him to the 10 or so other guests as “an old colleague of Kay’s who recently transferred to Munich”. Marc can’t keep track of the names. He’s more interested in finding Kay.  
Jan leads him to a table with several bottles of expensive looking wine and a few fancy looking craft beer bottles he’d never heard of and leaves him to mingle. Marc hasn’t felt so out of place in a long time. He makes a modest effort to be friendly and polite as random strangers chat him up, but all the while, he’s growing impatient while he waits for Kay to show up.  


About a half an hour later, Marc is looking for the bathroom. He notices a soft light emanating from a room across the hall, and a slight crack in the door left open. He peeks in and sees Kay laying on a bed, staring at the ceiling, a cigarette in hand.

_Scheisse, he’s so beautiful_

Marc taps the door lightly. He thinks he sees a look of desire flash across Kay’s gaze, as he makes him out in the entrance. It only lasts a few seconds, before Kay pushes up to sit on the bed and mumbles,  
“How long have you been here?”  
Marc enters the room cautiously, beer in hand  
“About a half hour. I’ve been looking for you. I don’t know anyone here, and…it’s not really my type of crowd.”  
Kay nods, “I lost track of time”  
Marc eyes him curiously, “everything ok, Kay?”  
The blond turns to face him, a maudlin look in his eyes.  
“I don’t know. I told you that night, having you here, it’s a lot.”  
He pauses for a moment, then continues  
“I don’t know why I invited you tonight. I knew you’d hate this scene. It was Jan’s idea. I just agreed because it was easier than arguing about it.”  
Marc doesn’t know what to say so he sits down on the bed next to Kay. They’re sitting so close, they can sense the heat emanating from one another’s body. Marc cautiously places his head on Kay’s shoulder and exhales. At first Kay stiffens, but gradually, his body loosens, and he rests his head on top of Marc’s. They sit together silently for several moments, neither wanting it to end.  
Then Marc asks, without moving  
“You’ve been arguing about me?”  
Kay takes a deep breath, “a little, yeah. He wants to pretend we’re just colleagues. I think his strategy is to try to befriend you so you’re no longer a threat to him. To us.”  
Marc lifts his head and turns to face Kay, still sitting by him on the bed.  
“Am I a threat?” he asks softly.  
Kay looks at him intently, lifts his hand to lightly touch his hair and says in a dreamy tone, “what do you think?”  
Marc leans into Kay’s touch and tries to kiss his palm when the door to the room swings open. Jan walks in purposefully looking at the two men  
“Kay, what’s going on in here?” he asks, clearly dismayed.  
Kay gets up from the bed quickly and walks over to Jan. He takes the man’s hand in his, brings it to his mouth and kisses it, then says with a hint of irony:  
“I fell asleep and Marc was dying of boredom out there with your friends, so he came in to wake me.  
Hey, is there any of the Beaujolais we got in France last month left? Or have the vultures finished it off?”  
Jan still looks a little unsure as he shifts his gaze from Kay to Marc, who’d also gotten up off the bed by now. But then clasps Kay’s hand determinedly and walks him out to join the party.  
Marc follows the pair, hoping Kay would turn around to look at him.  
He doesn’t.  


Marc stays at the party for another half hour, and then bails. Seeing Kay in such a domestic scene is new to him, and he doesn’t like it. But what he really needs to get away from are all those small touches he observes passing between Kay and Jan. A hand on one another’s shoulder, a quick peck on the cheek, a pat on the back…he can’t ignore the fact that they really are a couple. They share an intimacy he craves. The same type of intimacy he hasn’t had since the early days with Bettina. The pre-Kay days.  


As he lays in bed that night, just before he succumbs to his nightly ritual of pleasuring himself while fantasizing about Kay, he realizes exactly why Jan wanted him at the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 will be up soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc visits Lukas and Bettina, and we learn a little more about his life before moving to Munich.

**Stuttgart**

When Marc pulls up to Bettina and Lukas’ home in Stuttgart the following morning, he’s still trying to focus his thoughts. He knows Bettina will have a million questions about his first few weeks in Munich. 

He’s proud of how far he and Bettina have come in repairing their friendship after the split, and he values her presence in his life. She’s someone he can confide in and trust. So, he knows answering her questions truthfully without oversharing details about Kay is going to be tricky. That’s a topic that can still hurt her.

As soon as he walks in the door, Lukas jumps into his arms excitedly yelling “daddy!”   
Marc picks him up and swings him around the room, kissing his cheeks. He misses him every single day. What wouldn’t he give for Bettina and Lukas to move to Munich so he could see Lukas more often.

“Hi there, stranger”, Bettina quips, walking out of the kitchen, smiling at him.

Marc smiles back and gives her a quick hug and peck on the cheek.

“So? How’s Munich? How’s the new job? Tell us everything!”

Marc sits on the couch and Lukas climbs onto his lap, bouncing and squirming with excitement.

“So far so good. My new boss still likes me, so I guess I haven’t messed up yet”, he jokes.

She scoffs, “you’re going to be great, Marc. Don’t sell yourself short.”

He looks at her warmly with a slight shake of his head.   
Sometimes he can’t help but marvel at the genuine love and support this woman offers him by the bushel, even after everything he’d done to her, all he’d put her through. He knows he doesn’t deserve it. Without Bettina’s forgiveness and mediation, he doubts his parents would have ever come around and accepted him for who he really is. He’ll never be able to repay her for that. 

“I miss this guy, though”, he exclaims tickling Lukas’ belly, as the child lays back laughing uncontrollably.

“How’s your new team? Have you made any friends yet?” she knows leaving Ludwigsburg hadn’t been an easy decision for him. Marc had grown up in the small town, spent his entire life in its familiar confines, knew everyone and everyone knew him. But that was the problem. He needed to get out of this stifling environment so he could choose the life he wants, not fall into the one he was born into.

It had taken her a long time to understand this, and ultimately, to be able to forgive him. Then it took a while longer to find the strength to open her heart to him again and offer friendship and love of a different kind. But she’d done it. The way she saw it, she never really had a choice. He’s her Marc and Lukas’ father; she couldn’t keep punishing him for discovering who he was. 

Especially since he had been doing a fabulous job of punishing himself. She still cringed when she thought back on his self-destructive period, after they split. He’d gone through nearly two years of self-recrimination, self-loathing, and self-imposed isolation soothed by alcohol and she suspected other drugs, casual sex, and god knows what else.

His parents had turned their backs on him as soon as he bore his soul to them, admitting he’d fallen in love with Kay Engel. 

The thought of the blond man still filled her with icy rage, but she was trying to change that too. Is he really to blame for what happened to them? If it hadn’t been him, Marc may have woken up to a similar revelation later in life, which would have burned her and Lukas even worse. 

Marc weighs his words, and answers her question carefully, “they seem decent, but who knows? It’s early days yet. No friends so far. You know me, it takes me time to warm up to new people.”

Lukas has climbed down from his father’s lap by now and is running from his bedroom toward Marc with a Buzz Lightyear toy in hand.  
“Look what uncle Frank and aunt Claudia got me for my birthday! It lights up and talks!” 

Mark spends the next few hours playing with Lukas and his new toy. They chase each other around the house, recreating scenes from Toy Story 4.   
He can feel his soul recharging. It’s a sensation he’s come to rely on whenever he spends time with his son. Nothing in the world feels as good.

That evening, after putting Lukas to bed, he finds Bettina watching TV in the living room, and joins her. 

“So what’s new with you? How are things going with Stephane?” he asks. 

Bettina had begun dating a firefighter named Stephane the previous month. Frank had mentioned it to him, admitting it’s strange how much Stephane reminded him of Marc. “It’s like she’s trying to replace you with a new you!” he recalls Frank saying, “It’s really weird.”

Bettina blushes sweetly, “really good. He’s a nice guy. I think you’d really like him.”

He looks at her softly and says, “all I care about is that he’s good to you and Lukas. If he makes you happy, I’m happy.”

They fall into a comfortable silence, as they watch the TV show playing.   
A while later Marc states matter of factly, “I’m working with Kay again.”  
At first Bettina doesn’t react, and he wonders if she heard him.   
Then she mutters, “that’s probably good…since he’s the reason you went there.”

Marc opens his mouth to argue, to tell her that isn’t true. But he doesn’t.   
Honesty starts with myself he thinks.   
Why is it the people I love always know what I feel before I realize it myself?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc makes some progress in his quest to get closer to Kay, but at what cost to the life Kay has built?
> 
> And Marc makes a friend.

The next few weeks at work are busy but satisfying. Marc is getting to know his colleagues, everyone on the riot control unit, and he’s beginning to interview cadets for his new unit. Working closely with Kay is equal parts incredible and frustrating. He’s spending more time than he could ever have hoped for with the man, which is amazing, but he can’t take him in his arms or crush his mouth with a passionate kiss.  
Well, he could try, but he’s not sure it’d be a smart move, romantically or professionally.

Nevertheless, the two men have found a comfortable equilibrium in their relationship – something between colleagues and friends, with a shared history. It’s exciting and familiar at the same time. They go to lunch together a few times a week, always under the guise of working through the canteen lunch hours.  
Those are Marc’s favorite moments with Kay. As they step away from the station, Kay allows himself to open up a little, joke around with Marc, even reference things they shared in the past. These are the times Marc lives for.

That afternoon, they’re strolling in an urban garden, having just finished their lunch, when he taps Kay on the back of the head playfully and says, “breathe evenly!”  


Kay gives him an amused side grin. 

“Do you still jog?”, Marc asks.

Kay answers with a half smile, “sure, why? Want to join me?”

A broad grin appears on his face, and even though he realizes there’s a good chance Kay is teasing, he answers anyway, “yeah, I do.”

Neither one of them says anything else the rest of the walk back to the station, but Marc is pulsing with a new type of excitement. He’s starting to sense a shift in Kay’s responses to him, physically and verbally. He’s pretty sure Kay brushed his arm against his on purpose a few times during their walk.

Jan’s lecturing schedule means he’s not home most Monday and Wednesday evenings, but as Kay walks in late that Wednesday night, he is surprised to find him cooking dinner in the kitchen. He can tell from the fragrant aroma Jan is making his famous pesto sauce. Kay could eat a barrel of that stuff. The blonde meanders into the kitchen and wraps his arms around Jan, nuzzling his neck from behind.

“Mmmm, nice surprise,” Kay drawls as he plants a soft kiss on his neck. 

He notices Jan’s stance is stiff, and he isn’t responding as he typically does to Kay’s touch. 

“Everything ok?” Kay asks.

Jan breaks loose from Kay’s embrace and plates two servings of gnocchi in pesto sauce, placing them on the mid-century restored wood table by the window.

“Have you eaten?” Jan asks.

Kay takes his seat at the table and answers, “no, just had a few beers with the guys. I’m starving. This smells amazing.”

Jan studies him suspiciously, “beer with the guys, eh?” 

Jan’s tone is starting to irritate him.

He puts his fork down and shrugs, “is there something you want to ask me, Jan?” 

Jan’s eyes narrow, but they never break contact with Kays, as he retorts, “is there something you want to tell me, Kay?”

The blond shakes his head in annoyance, “I had a few beers with the guys: Paul, Andreas, Will, Uli… why are you making a big deal?”

Jan inhales calmly. Kay’s always found his ability to remain cool and collected under almost any circumstance somewhat disarming. It’s in stark contrast with his a warm, open, outgoing personality.

Jan pours each of them a glass of wine, takes a sip and asks, “Marc wasn’t there?”

Kay sighs and gives a dry “no”.

“He doesn’t hang out with the guys?” Jan questions.

Kay is losing his patience with this interrogation.

“I don’t know, I don’t monitor his every move. But I can start if you want me to…” he’s hoping his sarcasm will show Jan he’s being ridiculous.

Jan takes a bite of his food, then says coolly, “well, if you say you aren’t spending time with Marc, I believe you.”

Kay pushes his plate away, having lost his appetite.

He sputters, “I didn’t say I’m not spending time with him. We work together, a lot. I’m saying I wasn’t with him after work tonight.”

He finishes his sentence, gets up and walks away. He gets into the shower, where he can clear his head and not deal with Jan’s accusations.  
Standing in the shower, the hot water streaming down his body, Kay asks himself why he’s so pissed off at Jan. He has every right to be worried. They haven’t had sex in…scheisse it must be about 3 weeks! It’s the longest they’ve ever gone without it.  
And it’s his fault. Jan’s initiated a few times, but he just didn’t feel like it.  
How could he? When all he can think about is Marc. He can barely keep from touching him, kissing him, ravishing him during their daily work sessions.  
He’d always felt a raw, animalistic attraction to Marc, since the first time he saw him at the academy. But this new self-assured, in-control version of Marc is more tantalizing than ever. 

What the hell am I doing? He asks himself, as he pleasures himself thinking of Marc, for the 4th time that week.

==========================================================

Lukas spends the following weekend with Marc in Munich. Now that they spend less time together, he does his best to pack a lot of fun activities into their weekends. On Sundays they explore the city together; this time they’re at Ost park, which had been recommended to him by Schmidt’s assistant. He’s pushing Lukas on the swing when he hears someone calling his name. He looks around and sees Uli, a member of Kay’s unit, walking toward him, holding a little girl’s hand. 

“Hi Marc!” Uli says brightly.

“Hey, good to see you” he replies. 

And it is! He hasn’t really spent much time outside of work with any of the guys. He misses that easy camaraderie and even joked around with Frank about asking for a transfer to Munich. 

“Who’s this handsome little man?” Uli asks playfully, pointing at Lukas.

Before Marc has a chance to reply, Lukas yells excitedly, “I’m Lukas Borgmann!”

Uli and Marc chuckle.

“And who’s this little lady?” Marc asks, gesturing to the blonde little girl holding Uli’s hand.

“This is my daughter Leni” Uli responds with a note of pride.

Marc squats before her, “hi Leni, how old are you?”

Leni holds up 5 little fingers, and Lukas yells, “me too! She’s 5 just like me!”

Marc and Uli laugh again, and the kids run to the slides together.

The men find a bench by the playground and continue chatting amicably.

“Is Lukas your only one, or do you have more kids?”

Marc’s gaze follows his son on the playground, as he replies, “nope, just Lukas. He lives in Stuttgart with my ex. I spend as many weekends as I can with him.”

Uli nods appreciatively.

“Same here. Leni’s mother and I split up last year. It’s a tough transition, going from a family of 3 to a single dad who gets to see his kid a few times a week.”

Marc nods, thinking again how fantastic it would be if Bettina and Lukas ever moved to Munich, so he could spend a few days a week with his son.

The kids are playing catch now, chasing one another and laughing.

Uli continues peppering him with friendly questions, “so how are you liking Munich so far? Are you enjoying the job?” 

Marc thinks for a moment before responding. He’s never been one for small talk, but Uli strikes him as a genuinely nice person. 

“So far it’s been great. Good people on the team *he smiles at Uli*, beautiful city, great restaurants and cafes. There’s definitely much more to do here than in Ludwigsburg.”

Uli says warmly, “well, from one single dad to another, if you ever want company exploring it, I’d be happy to join you. It can get lonely sometimes, coming home to an empty apartment. Us single dads need to stick together.” 

The offer is a pleasant one. Marc has felt pangs of loneliness some evenings. He usually goes for a walk or tries a neighborhood restaurant or bar when that happens but having a pal to hang out with would be a welcome change. They exchange numbers before saying goodbye, when Marc suddenly suggests:

“hey, Lukas and I were going to get a bite somewhere around here. Would be fun if you and Leni joined us.”

Uli gladly accepts the invitation, and the four head to Michaelgarten for lunch.

Unbeknownst to them, Kay and Jan happen to be in the restaurant’s biergarten with friends that day. From the moment they see Marc, Uli and the kids walk in, Jan grudgingly notes how distracted Kay becomes, as he puts forth only a half-assed attempt of pretending he’s not tracking their every move from his table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 is almost ready to go...might be a bit of a wait for chapter 6 though.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jan and Kay have a heart to heart, and we learn a little more about their relationship.
> 
> Marc and Kay seem to take one step forward and two steps back...

The restaurant is a 40 minute walk from their home, but they’ve always preferred a nice brisk walk over public transportation.  
The pair walk silently side by side for a good 20 minutes.  
Jan sneaks sideways glances at Kay often, but the blond is worlds away and doesn’t notice.

_ He’s been worlds away for weeks___

_ _Jan admits sadly to himself. _ _

_Damn you Marc, did you have to reappear in his life? And if you had to reappear, couldn’t you have done it sooner? Before I let myself believe he was mine for good?_

_ _A born pragmatist, Jan’s never been one for stretching out a decision or delaying a difficult confrontation. Without further ado, he bluntly states,_ _

_ _“when you first told me about Marc, I knew I could never compete.”_ _

_ _Jan’s words wake Kay from his reverie. He turns to face him, a hint of surprise in his eyes. _ _

_ _With a small, tight small, Jan continues, “you hadn’t seen him in over 2 years, but were still completely infatuated. When I met you, you were still haunted by his memory.”_ _

_ _Kay remains silent. He can’t argue with that. When they’d met he’d been a mess. A shell of his old self. He’d been flirting stupidly with the wild side; a cop by daylight, a sad, drug-abusing clubbing loner by night. He’d tried anything to numb the pain and erase the memories of Marc abandoning him. Hurting him. Breaking his fucking heart._ _

_ _He‘d allowed himself to indulge in memories of the man in one place only; quickie club bathroom sex encounters. So many nameless, faceless men. All of them Marc’s height, brown hair, blue eyes. Those were his only requirements. And it was always Marc he imagined touching him, kissing him, licking his body, sucking his cock, fucking him. Always Marc._ _

Running from Ludwigsburg and putting distance between them had been the easy part.  
Forgetting him had been beyond his abilities.  
Until Jan. 

_ _They met at a crappy party Kay had been invited to by a guy he’d score Molly from occasionally. He was about to leave when his eyes met Jan’s warm, friendly, inviting gaze across the room. Jan didn’t hesitate. He crossed the room and introduced himself immediately. He was confident, normal (unlike most of Kay’s acquaintances in the seedy clubbing scene), and openly gay. _ _

_ _Kay was instantly struck by the idea of how easy being with a man like this would be. No pretense, no lies, no hiding. He’d left Ludwigsburg vowing to never live in the shadows as someone’s dirty, shameful secret again. In Jan’s eyes, he saw the promise of having something real with a man who knows what he wants, a man who would choose him without shame or remorse, a man for whom he’d come first, not last. _ _

Their courtship had been sweet and romantic. Jan was attracted to Kay’s rebelliousness, his dangerous streak, his disregard of the rules while working in law enforcement. And Kay knew, had always known, that deep down, Jan had wanted to tame him, to domesticate him so he could keep him close forever.  
For a pretty long time, it looked like he’d succeeded.  
Until Marc returned and unleashed the gates of his buried emotions. 

_ _“I knew the companionship, trust and security I had to offer weren’t a match for your passion for him.”_ _

_ _Jan continues_ _

_ _“But I wanted you so much, I told myself my love for you would be enough.  
Told myself it’s ok to love you so much more than you would ever love me back.”_ _

_ _“That’s not true”, Kay interrupts softly._ _

_ _Jan dismisses him with a brief hand gesture_ _

_ _“Sure it is, Kay. We’ve never lied to one another before, let’s not start now.  
I’m not blind or stupid, you know. You’re not sleeping with me, you must be getting it somewhere else.”_ _

_ _Kay shakes his head, “I’m not sleeping with anyone else”, he promises._ _

_ _Jan shrugs._ _

_ _“Maybe not, but you certainly want to be.”_ _

_ _Kay says nothing. What is there to say? _ _

_ _They keep walking in silence, when Jan finally says,_ _

_ _“how much longer are we going to pretend you’re not going to run back to him?”_ _

_ _The guilt pulsing through Kay makes him feels nauseous. The worst part is that Jan, true to form, isn’t yelling, he isn’t swearing at him, he doesn’t even sound mad. More like resigned to the fact that Kay no longer wants him._ _

_ _Kay takes his hand in his and stops walking_ _

_ _“I’m so sorry, Jan. I never wanted to hurt you.” _ _

_ _Jan looks at Kay’s handsome face and sighs_ _

_ _“We don’t always get what we want…”_ _

================================================================= 

_ _Kay leaves Munich to attend a weapons training at the academy the following week.  
In his absence, Marc spends more time engaging with the rest of the team. He eats his lunch in the canteen with Uli and his friends and joins them for martial arts training and on the track._ _

_ _On Thursday evening, he’s changing out of his work clothes, getting ready to catch a movie with Uli, when his phone beeps with a new text message._ _

_ _**Message from Kay Engel** flashes on the screen_ _

_ _Marc’s heart races. He hasn’t gotten a text from Kay in years. _ _

In their past life, all their rendezvous had been scheduled through texts, after Kay nearly blew their cover by calling early one Saturday morning.  
He checks the message:  
**Got my own room this time. No bunkmate to jog in the woods with.**

_ _Marc’s mouth forms an amused smile as he types his one word reply: **Good! **_ _

_ _On the receiving end, Kay also breaks into a satisfied grin. _ _

_ _Marc considers sending a second message suggesting a jog when Kay’s back but decides against it. Kay’s coming around, he can feel it. Besides, he knows Kay loves being the aggressive one in the chase, even if in this case, it’s a sure thing._ _

_ _

========================================================

Kay’s back at the station the following week. He spends the morning doing drills with his unit, then works on his presentation slated for that afternoon. He’s going to train the whole department on what he’d learned at the academy the previous week.  
When it’s time for lunch, he goes to the canteen and is somewhat surprised to see Marc sitting with Uli and some other guys from the unit, looking relaxed as they joke and laugh. He joins the group, eyeing Marc meaningfully. Marc returns his glances with a tepid smile.  
As his teammates begin to fill the hall where he’s presenting, he notices again how chummy Marc and Uli seem. He feels something he can’t quite name building in the pit of his stomach: anger? Annoyance? Jealousy! Of course, he’s never been the jealous type, but seeing Marc and Uli’s new closeness is affecting him in a new way. 

_ _

_ _Kay manages to put his feelings aside and deliver an excellent presentation. Schmidt compliments him as he leaves the room, which is a pretty big deal. As everyone shuffles out of the room, he notices Marc approaching languidly, waiting for them to be alone._ _

_ _He smiles warmly, “you were great!”_ _

_ _“Thanks”, Kay says dryly as he’s getting his papers and laptop together, not looking up to face Marc._ _

_ _Marc grabs his wrist, nudging him to look up at him, “I was hoping to hear from you over the weekend.”_ _

_ _Kay looks at him dully, “why?”_ _

_ _Hurt flashes over Marc’s expression, so Kay adds, “I was busy.”_ _

_ _Marc hasn’t let go of his wrist yet, “what’s going on? I thought we were past this, Kay”_ _

_ _The blond peels Marc’s hand from his wrist, still focused on gathering his belongings, “I moved this weekend.”_ _

_ _Marc’s eyebrows shoot up with surprise, “you and Jan moved to a new place?” _ _

_ _He sounds confused._ _

_ _“You hadn’t mentioned anything.”_ _

_ _Kay finally looks squarely at him and replies, “I moved, Jan didn’t. It was kind of sudden.”_ _

_ _Marc is reeling from the news, but Kay is being so aloof, so detached, he can’t figure out what’s going on._ _

_ _“Talk to me”, he pleads_ _

_ _Kay rolls his eyes and sneers,_ _

_ _“Are you sure you can pencil me in? you’re pretty busy these days…”_ _

_ _“What are you talking about?” _ _

_ _Marc is starting to feel like an idiot. Had he done something to offend Kay? He had to be missing something…_ _

_ _Kay’s expression is unreadable. He picks up his things and says:_ _

_ _“I know about you and Uli.”_ _

_ _Marc is still wondering what the hell that means, as Kay walks briskly out of the room._ _

=======================================================

**That night in Kay’s apartment:**

_*Message from Marc Borgmann* _ flashes on his phone 

He reads it: _Another jog in the woods? _

He snickers. It’s raining as much as it had the first time Marc sent that very same message.

He waits a moment, then sends a reply: _I’m not as easily seduced as I used to be, Borgmann._

He waits for Marc’s response:  
_Tell me something I don’t know. I’ve been at it for 2 months and have nothing to show for it._

Fuck, did he just say that? Kay looks around his bare, depressing new 1 br apartment, then texts back: 

_ My crappy new apartment proves otherwise._

The screen flashes again quickly

_Are you gonna tell me what happened? _

Kay’s fingers trace the letters on the screen. 

_You fucking happened, Marc_

Kay’s phone doesn’t flash for the next 20 minutes. He figures Marc is gone for the night. He changes into a worn pair of grey sweatpants and walks out to his living room, opens the door to the balcony and lights up a cigarette. He hates smoking inside, but the rain has gotten worse. When he’s done with the cig, he drags a chair over to the balcony door and rolls a joint. 

Suddenly the doorbell rings. He’s not completely sure he didn’t imagine it, so he remains seated and takes another drag. The doorbell rings again. And again. Then he hears urgent knocks on the door. He hisses as he makes his way to the door, opening it slowly. 

A very wet, very disheveled, very sexy Marc is standing on his doorstep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The confrontation

_A very wet, very disheveled, very sexy Marc is standing on his doorstep…_

Kay stares for a few seconds as the image of Marc standing before him finally breaks through his light pot-and-fatigue-induced haze. He stands there, framing the doorway, looking a little confused.

“Marc? Are you crazy? What are you doing here?” he doesn’t raise his voice, nor does he invite him in.

Marc’s hair is matted down from the rain, and his jacket is dripping lightly. He looks up at Kay expectantly, “are you gonna let me in? Or are we doing this in the hallway? Your neighbors are in for quite a show…”

That snaps Kay out of his stupor and he moves back, opening the door to allow Marc in.  
The two men stand awkwardly facing one another in the middle of Kay’s living room and Marc sweeps the room with his gaze.

“It’s not such a crappy apartment” he says with a small smile.

Kay is still staring hard into his face, “what are you doing here?” he repeats.

Marc takes several steps towards him, wanting to close the distance between them. He aligns his body against Kay’s, lifts his hand and lightly caresses his cheek. 

“Did you really leave Jan for me?” he whispers.

Kay’s struggling to respond. He’s battling conflicting emotions, unsure how to react. On the one hand, Marc is so close, his touch is simultaneously electric and soothing. His body wants nothing more than to lean into the contact he’d been craving.  
But another part of him is fighting that urge, pushing back on his desires, telling him to shield himself, to protect his heart, to step away.

He listens to the second voice in his head and takes a step back. Away from Marc.

“I didn’t leave him FOR you. I left him BECAUSE of you. There’s a difference.”

The disappointment on Marc’s face is obvious, but he’s not about to give up. He knows Kay’s struggling to trust his feelings, to trust Marc not to hurt him again. But he also knows the sexual tension between them has been building for the past two months, and that they’ve spent enough time together to know these aren’t embers left over from their past relationship. This is new and real, and it’s been growing and deepening for weeks.

He decides to try a different approach.  
Once again, he takes a slow yet purposeful step towards Kay, looks him in the eye, and says, 

“don’t you get it? I love you.”

Kay’s eyes betray his inner struggle. They’re brimming with emotion, but he narrows them, and mutters angrily, “and Uli? What’s he, just a distraction?”  
The full intent of Kay’s accusations, the one from earlier and this one, finally dawns on Marc in all its absurdity.  
He smiles at him almost bashfully, “you think I’m involved with Uli? That’s why you’ve been pushing me away?”

Kay’s expression hardens.

“I saw you Marc. At Michaelgarten with your kids. And in the canteen where you barely gave me a second glance. Don’t pretend I’m imagining things.”  
Marc lets out a guffaw, relieved that Kay’s jealousy is so ill-placed.

“Uli is straight, Kay. You know that!”

Kay gives him a steely look and grumbles “so were you when we met.”

Marc can't help but chuckle, “touché”.

He lifts his hand to gently touch Kay’s hair, “Uli’s a single dad with a kid he doesn’t get to see much. We both go home to an empty apartment every night, so sometimes we hang out; catch a movie, grab dinner, watch a Bayern Munich match. That’s it, I swear.”

Kay’s expression is still ambivalent, not knowing what to believe, but unable to ignore the emotion shining in Marc’s gaze.

“I came to Munich for you, Kay. Don’t you know that?” he whispers in his ear.

He doesn’t wait for Kay to respond this time. He moves his face down to nuzzle the blond’s neck, placing soft butterfly kisses along its length. And this time Kay doesn’t move away. Tired of fighting his feelings, Marc’s final admission is all he needs to become undone. He wraps his arms around Marc and throws his head back, melting into the man’s kisses. 

As soon as he feels Kay relent, Marc finds his mouth and kisses him passionately, aggressively, pouring all his pent-up frustration, all his emotion, and all of the promises for the future into that one kiss. Kay moans softly from the assault and Marc can feel him grind against him. The need to touch each other, to have nothing between them, to finally find their way back to each other is breathtaking.

Somehow, they manage to stumble into the bedroom and remove each other’s clothes, though neither one will have any memory of how or when that happened. They fall onto the bed with a hunger, an urgency neither had felt before.  
That night their bodies get reacquainted after craving each other all these years. 

The first time is frantic, quick, neither of them lasting long, as both explode with desire and need. 

The second time is slower, more deliberate. Each of them trying to remember the specific movements and touches the other had loved before.

The third time is the loveliest. No longer brimming with a need to possess the other, and no longer focused on recreating the past. This time both men give themselves fully to the love sweeping over them. They let go of their inhibitions and indulge in finding pleasure in one another, exploring every inch of the other’s body; kissing, touching, licking, sucking unhurriedly, testing each other’s limits, and making it last. 

After Marc cries out his name when he climaxes, Kay allows himself to relax in his lover’s arms and drift into a calm, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you didn't mind it was a little short.  
I think there are about 2 chapters left.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay and Marc shared an incredible night together, but the morning after brings with it questions and concerns.
> 
> The guys have a heart to heart.

Kay’s unbearably harsh phone alarm is relentless when it wakes them after just 3 hours of sleep. Instinctively, Marc hides his head under the pillow, trying to will away the noise and hold on to the warmth and comfort of sleep. Kay chuckles and leans back against his bare chest.

“You know, this is the first time we spent the whole night together.”

Removing the pillow from his head, Marc pulls Kay closer and places a soft kiss on his neck.

“The first of many, I hope” he whispers.

Kay turns toward him, tilts his head up and kisses Marc slowly, deeply.

“First morning breath kiss” he jokes and jumps out of bed to get ready for the day.

Ten minutes later Kay steps out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist to find Marc fully dressed in the jeans, hoodie and jacket he arrived in the night before. He walks over and gives Kay a sweet kiss on the mouth that ends too quickly and says, 

“I have to run home to change. See you at work in a bit?”

Kay nods.   
As he watches Marc leave, he can feel a small pit begin to form in his stomach. There’s no denying that this had been the best night of his life, but as much as he wants to believe everything Marc has said in the past 12 hours, part of him is still wary of trusting it won’t all disappear as soon as they step out of the safe space of his apartment.

======================================================

Marc is training a new group of cadets for his unit that morning, so their paths don’t cross until lunch in the canteen. Kay is sitting at a table with friends from his unit when Marc enters. They immediately make eye contact and Kay is slightly relieved when Marc gives him a warm, private smile from across the room. After getting his food, he makes his way over to Kay’s table and sits beside him. Not beside Uli, who is across the table, Kay notices.   
But his hopes are dashed when he feels Marc squeeze his knee under the table, a private gesture of intimacy, not the public one he’d been hoping for. 

_Here we go again,_ Kay thinks as he tries to mask his disappointment.

======================================================

After lunch Marc and his cadets join Kay’s unit for martial arts training in the dojo. During the last moments of the session the two find themselves facing one another for a final spar. Both men find the situation unexpectedly challenging, as they try to will their bodies not to respond to the physical contact. Feeling Marc’s hands on him brings a rush of intense memories of the previous night’s thrills. And judging from Marc’s belabored breathing, he expects the same is true for him. When training is over, they make a point of showering as far away from one another as they can, to avoid any unwanted bodily reactions.   
After dressing Kay walks out of the locker room and finds Marc and Uli in conversation. He walks past them and overhears Marc saying, 

“sorry, I have plans tonight. Maybe later in the week?” 

To which Uli retorts playfully, “hot date?” 

Marc smiles and says, “something like that.”

As Uli leaves, Marc catches up with Kay on his way to his car.

“Kay, wait up! What’s up? Are you avoiding me?” he asks, a little incredulous.

Kay turns to him, “no, just getting out of the way.”

Marc’s incredulity deepens, as he mutters “why?”

Kay shakes his head slowly, wordlessly, not really sure why himself.

“Let’s go home. Your place or mine?” Marc asks, realizing he needs to talk Kay off this ledge before they lose all the progress they’d made the night before.  
Kay is clearly relieved by Marc’s suggestion. 

“I’ll stop at home and grab an overnight bag. I’ll be over in an hour.” Marc nods and watches the blond get in the car and drive off.

====================================================

“Nice place” Kay says when he enters the spacious two-bedroom apartment with French doors leading to a sizeable balcony. 

“Thanks” Marc mumbles, “come on, I’ll show you around.” 

It had taken him a while to find this place. He’d had two non-negotiable requirements when apartment hunting: a family-friendly neighborhood for Lukas, and a comfortable balcony for Kay.  
After walking him through the apartment, Marc snakes his arms around Kay’s neck, pulling him in for a deep kiss. Kay responds to the kiss, but only for a moment. Then places his palm on Marc’s chest, stopping him from continuing.

“Let’s talk first.”

Marc makes a disappointed face but agrees. The rain had finally stopped that afternoon, so they drag a couple of chairs to sit on the still wet balcony. 

Kay’s the first to speak. “So now what? What does this mean?”

“It means we’re together, I hope” Marc replies quickly.

“Ok, and what does being together mean?” Kay is determined not to leave things vague. He wants to know exactly what to expect, this time. 

Marc sighs, “I don’t know what you’re asking, Kay. If it were up to me, I’d spend every waking hour with you.”

Kay scoffs. “Come on, Marc, be serious. What about work? Are we a couple there too? Or do you go on secret dates with me when you’re not busy bonding over single dad stuff with Uli?”

Marc’s expression looks pained, but he says nothing.

“And what about Lukas? Am I only welcome here when he’s not visiting? I’m just trying to understand what the ground rules are, where I fit in your life.”

He wants nothing more than to reassure Kay, but deep down, he’s a little overwhelmed by all these questions, so he keeps quiet. The only thing he finds the courage to do is reach out and lace their fingers together.  
Kay doesn’t object. But Marc notices his brow furrowing and the disappointment creeping into his eyes.  
He pulls his chair closer to Kay’s so their legs are touching. 

“It’s going to be different this time, I promise.”

Kay glances at him.

“I don’t want to hide either, Kay. I want a to have a life with you.   
I just need to ask you for a little bit of patience, so we can figure this stuff out and do it right.”

The blond gives him a small, sad smile and nods. 

“For now, though,” Marc continues, sneaking his free hand into the pocket of his jeans and fishing out a key, “this is yours.”

Kay places the key to Marc’s apartment in his pocket and kisses him lightly on the lips.  
He should’ve realized that even with all of his promises and bravado, nothing with Marc was ever going to be easy. 

Marc lights a cigarette and offers one to Kay. They smoke in silence, still holding hands, legs still touching.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An evening with friends brings forth petulance, an unplanned admission, and just a little bit of smut. 
> 
> This chapter can be summed up by quoting thelastaerie: "Marc is his own worst enemy".

_He should’ve realized that even with all of his promises and bravado, nothing with Marc was ever going to be easy._  
_Marc lights a cigarette and offers one to Kay._  
_They smoke in silence, still holding hands, legs still touching._

  


============================================

When they make love that night, Marc holds him tenderly, showering him with love with his words, his eyes, his touches. In the safe space of their apartments he’s unguarded, vulnerable. Something Kay finds intoxicating and hopeful. It’s so different from his memories of their past; even in their most intimate moments, Marc had been afraid to truly give into his emotions, had tried to minimize or deny them. 

=============================================

Their first week together goes by in a flash. The excitement of spending their evenings, nights and early mornings together is tainted only by the continued secrecy at work.  
They go out on their first “real” date; dinner and a movie. It’s a sweet evening. They hold hands, make out a bit in the darkness of the movie theater, which makes them feel like a pair of 16 year olds. They hadn’t really done much together last time around. Aside from one time they'd gone clubbing, most of their time together had been spent jogging or have sex in Kay’s apartment.  
Spending time together like any other couple in love feels new and exhilarating, and they savor every moment.

=============================================

**Friday Evening / The Canteen**

Marc and Kay relax as they throw back a few beers with the guys.  
When Andreas asks Kay if Jan is throwing him another legendary birthday party this year, Marc’s head snaps instantly. Hearing Jan’s name is enough to throw him off, but then realizing he’s probably the only one there who had no idea Kay’s birthday is approaching is even worse. 

In fact, he berates himself inwardly,  
_I know very little about him._  
_I’ve been so incredibly selfish._  
_I never took an interest._  
_Never asked about his family, his friends, his life before we met._  
_I’m such an asshole._

_And Jan wasn’t.  
Jan threw him fucking birthday parties._

“No party this year,” he hears Kay’s response, “no Jan either. We broke up.”  
The guys are genuinely surprised to hear this.  
“When? What happened?” Uli asks.  
Kay’s eyes dart over to Marc for a micro-second, before he continues, “A few weeks ago. I guess the relationship had run its course.”  
“Wow,” Andreas exclaims, “I thought you two were practically married!”  
That comment feels like a punch to his gut, and Marc says petulantly, without thinking,  
“I only met him once, but I never really thought they made sense as a couple.”  
Kay’s eyes widen in surprise, “Oh no?” his voice is dripping with sarcasm.  
“No offense Kay, but you could do a lot worse. Jan’s a cool dude. And that birthday party was the bomb.” Will laughs.  
Marc isn’t thrown off by Kay’s sarcasm. Spurred on by his own competitiveness, he keeps going,  
“Oh come on, sure he’s a nice guy who throws parties, but he was so…I don’t know…domesticated. He was more like a wife than a boyfriend, wasn’t he?”

The guys are surprised by Marc’s vehemence. They hadn’t even known Marc and Jan had met, yet he seems to have such strong opinions about the man.  
Kay’s eyes narrow in anger, he looks directly at Marc and says in an icy tone,  
“careful Marc, why don’t you stop before you say something you’ll regret.”  
Will teases, “they just broke up, Marc, give him a chance to get over the guy!”  
Marc shrugs dramatically, “fine. I’m just saying…you lived a very different kind of life with him, Kay.”

At this point everyone’s shooting daggers at him. Kay looks absolutely livid, while the others are confused to hear him speak about Kay so knowingly, having met him just a couple of months ago.

In an attempt to diffuse the situation, Andreas tries to change the subject, “so what are we doing for Kay’s 35th? Bar? Club? Dinner?”  
“Ooh, I know a place!” Will exclaims, “I was there a few weeks ago – it’s a cabaret style karaoke bar. The music is kind of obscure, all oldies, but good ones. Very stylish, and the cocktails are to-die-for.”  
“Hot cocktail waitresses too” he adds with a wink. At 27, Will’s the youngest guy on the unit, and sometimes it shows.  
Andreas adds conspiratorially, “It’s Kay’s party, who cares about the waitresses? Is the bartender hot?”  
Kay chuckles with the others while Marc sulks.

============================================

Uli follows Marc to the bathroom. He’d been watching him closely tonight.  
Something’s been off with him all week, but he can’t put his finger on it. Marc had been too busy to get together or even chat at work much.  
Standing side by side at the urinals, Uli asks, “what’s going on with you, Marc?”  
“What do you mean?” Marc asks defensively.  
Uli gives him a knowing look. “You’ve been acting strange lately. And now all that stuff about Jan and Kay…what was that about?”  
They leave the bathroom, but Uli stops Marc from going back into the canteen.  
“How long have you known Kay?”  
Marc sighs. He doesn’t know how to get out of this one.  
“About 5.5 years,” _the truth shall set you free, right?_  
“We worked together in Ludwigsburg before he moved here.”  
Uli’s eyes widen, “why the hell have you two been pretending not to know each other?”  
Marc shrugs and exhales loudly, “I don’t know. My first day here Kay pretended not to know me, so I followed his lead, I guess.”  
Uli’s shaking his head, still unable to pinpoint the change in his friend.  
“He must not have liked you much back then, huh?” he asks.  
Marc shakes his head, “I guess not. I wasn’t very nice to him.”  
“Oh shit, Marc. Don’t tell me you were one of those homophobic pricks he had to deal with in that yokel town!”  
Uli hadn’t had Marc pegged for a bigot, but you never know…small town folk can surprise you.  
Marc shakes his head, “no, nothing like that.” But he doesn’t explain further.

Uli nods, relieved. “Why don’t you give him a break? He’s a good guy, and he just went through a big breakup. He and Jan had been together a pretty long time, you know how hard that can be. Lay off him, ok?”  
The conversation with Uli is surreal, but Marc agrees to lay off Kay, and they go back in.

===============================================

As soon as he gets in his car Kay’s phone flashes with an incoming message from Marc.  
**“I’m a jerk. Come over tonight?”**  
He ignores the message, too pissed off to respond.  
He can’t figure out what Marc was doing tonight. And he can’t shut off the nagging little thought that he’d walked away from a man who wanted to give him the world, to be with an oversized child trying to drag him back into the fucking closet.  
When he parks by his apartment, there’s a new incoming message, **“I’m on my way over.”**

_Fuck._

===================================================

He lets Marc in wordlessly and walks back out to the balcony, taking a drag from his cigarette.  
Marc drops his overnight back and follows.  
He stands behind Kay and begins massaging his shoulders “I’m sorry. I’m an asshole.”  
Kay says nothing.  
Marc continues kneading his shoulder blades, the back of his neck, then caresses his back. He can feel Kay’s body loosen under his touch. Emboldened by the physical reaction, he turns Kay around and drops to his knees in front of him, unzipping his jeans.  
Kay submits to the pleasure of the blowjob Marc gives him, leaning back into the balcony railing, moaning softly, hands in Marc’s hair.  
When he’s finished, he leaves Marc on the balcony and heads to the bedroom to change.

===================================================

Marc smokes another cigarette and heads in to join Kay in bed.  
He slides under the covers but stays on his side of the bed.  
“Still mad?” he asks quietly.  
Kay looks at him, “You can’t keep using sex to make up for everything else.”  
“I know,” Marc murmurs.  
A moment later, he adds, “I’m freaking out that I’m messing this up again.”  
Kay recognizes fear and vulnerability in his voice. He moves closer, holds him and whispers, “you’re not competing with anyone else, Marc. I chose you.”  
Marc’s eyes hold back tears when he pulls Kay in for a deep, tender kiss.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc is like a sour patch kid.  
Last chapter he was sour, so this time he's sweet.
> 
> The guys spend some time bonding.

_Kay recognizes fear and vulnerability in his voice. He moves closer, holds him and whispers, “you’re not competing with anyone else, Marc. I chose you.”  
Marc’s eyes hold back tears when he pulls Kay in for a deep, tender kiss. _

======================================

**Saturday Morning**

Kay wakes up from relentless knocking on the front door.  
He barely registers that Marc isn’t in bed as he stumbles over to the door to see who’s banging on it.  
He opens it and finds Marc standing in the doorway, eyes twinkling, carrying a bag from his favorite bakery and 2 cups of cappuccino.  
Kay smiles sleepily at Marc as he walks past him and places the goodies on the breakfast table.  
“It’s our first weekend together, so I wanted to start it off right,” Marc explains.  
Kay’s smile lingers.  
Maybe Marc’s setback last night wasn’t a sign of things to come after all…

He brushes his teeth and washes up quickly, then returns to find Marc has laid out the treats from the bakery on a tray and is waiting for him at the table.  
He joins him and asks, “what do you want to do today?”  
Marc takes a sip of coffee, then suggests, “I’d like to play a game.”  
Kay raises an eyebrow, “really?” he drawls, “what kind of game?”  
“Get your mind out of the gutter,” Marc snickers, “a get-to-know-you game,“ he explains.  
Kay bites into a puddingbrezel, “what are you talking about. We’ve known each other for years.”  
Marc shakes his head.  
“I realized last night that I don’t know anything about you, Kay. I didn’t know your birthday was coming up, I don’t know if you have brothers or sisters, I have no idea where your parents live, or if you’re close to them. I barely know you grew up in Stuttgart.” He reaches his hand to grab Kay’s, and continues, “I want to know everything about you.”

Kay is touched, but also a little surprised. He always forgets how little he and Marc had talked, really talked, during his time in Ludwigsburg. Most of their time together had been spent arguing, loving, fighting, jogging or hiding.  
Caressing Marc’s hand, he replies, “ok, but can we get out of here? It finally warmed up a little. Let’s drive to Lake Starnberg and go for a hike.”

=====================================================

The drive to the lake takes around 40 minutes and Marc has a laundry list of questions to get through.  
He starts with a simple one, “tell me about your family: your parents, any brothers or sisters?”  
“Do you think I can get out of the parking spot before we start playing?” Kay teases playfully.  
A moment later, he begins, “my parents are still in Stuttgart. We’re not close. I see them a couple times a year, Christmas and Easter usually. Sometimes my brother, Alex, makes me come for his birthday dinner, but usually I get out of it.”  
Marc nods, taking it in. “Why don’t you get along with your parents?”  
Kay scoffs, “let’s just say, they’re not fans of the choices I’ve made in life.” Marc gazes at him, “being gay isn’t really a choice, so I’m assuming you’re not talking about that?”  
“No, I don’t think they care who I sleep with. It’s everything else I do that they find fault with.”  
Marc puts his arm on Kay’s shoulder, rubbing it lightly. “I’m sorry.”  
Kay shrugs, “I’m used to it.”  
“And Alex?” Marc continues curiously? “Are you close to him?”  
Kay’s expression lightens a bit, “yeah, Alex is cool. He’s 2 years younger than me. He’s a software engineer. Unlike me, he made the right choices in life, so our parents actually like him.”  
Marc’s arm moves up to massage the back of Kay’s neck.  
“How often do you see him? Or speak to him?” he asks.  
“He visits every couple of months, and I see him when I visit them in Stuttgart. We text here and there too.”  
Marc is quiet for a moment, then adds softly, “have you ever mentioned me to Alex?”  
Kay gives him a sideways glance, then looks back at the road ahead, “he knows I transferred to Ludwigsburg because of you.” He sneaks a second glance before he adds, “and he knows I transferred to Munich because of you.”  
Marc sighs, realizing he’ll probably have to put in some work to change Alex’s opinion of him.  
“I’d like to meet Alex,” he adds.  
Kay thinks it over, then says, “let’s figure out work first. Then we’ll arrange something.”

A moment later, Kay asks, “is it my turn now?”  
“Sure, though you know everything about my life…you saw it implode first hand” Marc jokes.  
Kay’s eyes gleam playfully as he asks, “I’ve been racking my brain for the past week, trying to figure out how the hell you found my apartment last Monday! I know I never gave you my new address.”  
Marc laughs, “It pays to befriend the right people! Schmidt’s assistant, Carolin, has been giving me tips on kid-friendly places and activities for Lukas since I got here. She has access to everyone’s personal information…all it took was one small text.” He grins at Kay, who grins back.

“My turn,” Marc announces, then hesitates for a moment, before asking, “how did you know? Back at the academy, when you came after me. What made you think I was interested?”  
Kay’s brow furrows as he formulates his answer, “I didn’t know for sure, but I knew there was crazy tension between us. On my end, it was sexual tension from the start, but on your end, it seemed more like aggression. Until that night at the pool.” He glances at Marc, “when you jumped in and started that stupid head dunking game, I knew all that aggression was masking something else. You wanted to touch me, you just didn’t realize it yet.”  
Marc thinks this over.  
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you. At first, I really did think it was because you irritated me. You were so damn cocky! And you were the best runner, while I was barely able to keep up.” Kay laughs. “But after the first time you tried to kiss me, I was confused about everything. I didn’t think I was supposed to like it.” A warm smile spreads across Kay’s face. “After that, I didn’t stand a chance,” Marc adds thoughtfully. “Well, you didn’t make it easy!” Kay teases. 

They drive in a comfortable silence for a few kilometers, until Kay asks, “why didn’t you ever mention Bettina or the baby at the academy? I never would’ve come to Ludwigsburg if I’d known about them.” Marc has asked himself the same question endless times, and to this day, hasn’t come up with a clear answer. “I don’t really know,” he admits. “Maybe subconsciously, I wanted to seem available to you? I really can’t say.”  
Kay nods and holds Marc’s hand.  


It’s not until Kay parks the car by the hiking trail that Marc realizes they had arrived.

=================================================

It’s not a difficult hike nor is it an especially easy one. The area is breathtaking, with the blue lake glistening on one side and the Alps towering over them on the other. Marc takes it all in and is amazed by how perfect this moment is. He’s hiking with Kay, who has agreed to give him a second chance, and they’re in one of the most beautiful places he’d ever seen. Overcome with emotion, he grabs Kay’s hand suddenly, and stops him for a long, sensual kiss. Kay is caught by surprise by the unexpected PDA but leans into it.  
Marc whispers “I love you.”  
Kay cups his face and replies, “Ich liebe dich auch.” 

===================================================

“What’s your favorite color?”  
Marc asks as they sit down at a table in a touristy restaurant where they’ve stopped for lunch.  
“Burnt orange” the blond offers.  
“Of course,” Marc scoffs, “even your favorite color has to be cool and slightly mysterious.”  
Kay laughs, “don’t tell me, your favorite color is blue. So predictable…” he shakes his head playfully.

Marc continues going down his mental list of questions, “had you always wanted to be a cop? I mean since you were a kid?”  
Kay shakes his head and holds up his palm to stop him, “no, no, sorry, it’s my turn!”  
He knows his next question might ruin the mood, but he needs to ask it. 

“What’s keeping us from being open about our relationship at work?”  
Marc holds his gaze. He really wishes Kay could’ve let them have this one day respite from dealing with all that stuff. One carefree, beautiful day to enjoy one another’s company without having to worry about it.  
But, he also realizes Kay needs to know what they’re up against.  
“There are two problems. The first is that it’s typically preferred for policemen who are involved in a romantic relationship not to be in the same unit. While officially, we’re not, it’s close enough. We’re in the same department.” He takes a swig of his beer, and continues, “the second problem is our bigger issue though. Since I’m a commanding officer and you’re not, legally, I’m not allowed to date you because I’m in a position of authority over you.” He looks at Kay intently, “so in fact, the job I got in order to come find you makes it illegal for me to be with you.”

“Scheiße,” is all Kay can think of to say in response.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc and Kay continue navigating their new life together with their friends, family, and at work.

_He looks at Kay intently, “so in fact, the job I got in order to come find you makes it illegal for me to be with you.”  
“Scheiße,” is all Kay can think of to say in response._

============================================

The mood on the drive home is in stark contrast with the carefree playfulness they’d enjoyed all day.  
Kay has been quiet, sullen since they left the restaurant. Marc knows he never bargained for a clandestine affair when they got back together.  
In fact, it goes against everything Marc had offered him when he first arrived in Munich.

_“You talked about not living with secrets and I respect that. I made the same decision when you left." _

_“You deserved so much more than what I could give you. For once, I knew I had to think of you and not just follow my own whims and desires.  
I needed to stay the fuck away from you until I would no longer run the risk of hurting you again.”_

He wonders how he can go back on all the promises he’d lured Kay back with. Not to mention his own disappointment with the situation.  
Spending this past week together, loving Kay freely without inhibition, it’s what he’d been wishing for all these years.  
Does he really want to hide how he feels, hide his happiness from the rest of the world?

He places his hand on Kay’s thigh and says as reassuringly as he can, “we’ll find a way. It won’t be like this forever.”

Kay doesn’t respond. He keeps driving in silence.  
After a few moments pass, he places his hand on top of Marc's and squeezes lightly.

==============================================

The rain returns with a vengeance on Sunday, ruining any plans for outdoor activities.  
Kay leaves Marc’s place in the morning to attend a kickboxing class and workout at the gym, while Marc uses their time apart to FaceTime with Lukas and Bettina. He’s careful not to mention Kay, which is challenging since they’d spent all week together. It doesn’t leave much for him to tell them about his week.  
After the call, he’s surprised to find himself daydreaming about Kay joining him and Lukas on their weekend outings, imagining the three of them in his apartment together. It suddenly dawns on him that he’s never asked Kay how he feels about taking on a relationship with his son. It’s quite a commitment on his part. He hopes Kay realizes than any future with him means accepting Lukas in his life.

==============================================

When Kay lets himself back into Marc’s apartment a few hours later, he finds Marc on the phone.  
As he gets himself a water from the kitchen, he overhears Marc’s side of the conversation, and can make out that he must be speaking to Frank.

“It’s only been a week but here’s hoping…” 

Marc notices Kay looking at him from the kitchen and smiles as he continues his conversation,

“No, not yet. I’m not ready to deal with them.”

“I know. I’m going to have to figure that out by next Saturday, when I’m in Stuttgart.”

“Oh hey Frank, Saturday night, in two weeks, we’re getting together with some friends to celebrate Kay’s birthday. Why don’t you guys come? It’d be great to see you and Claudia.”

Kay’s expression shows his surprise. He’s pleased to see Marc openly merging his old life with his new one.  
He walks over to the sofa Marc’s sitting on, plops himself on the other end, and lifts his legs onto Marc’s lap contentedly.

================================================

Work is becoming a difficult terrain to navigate.  
They can’t drive in together in the mornings so as not to raise any suspicion, and with Marc’s plans for his unit being in the implementation stage, they have fewer reasons to work together, which is something they both regret. 

Most days they eat their lunch with the other guys in the canteen, but that particular Wednesday, Marc asks Kay if he’d like to grab a brat from the stand down the block, so they can have a half hour to themselves, without prying eyes.  
They’re careful not to touch one another or appear too intimate, but the half hour they spend alone is like a breath of fresh air in the confining environment of the station. 

Keeping secrets is proving to be hard on both of them.

================================================

Marc is putting his coat on, about to leave for the day, when Uli marches into his office.  
“Let’s go grab a quick dinner,” he suggests.  
Marc is about to make up an excuse, when he reads something determined and decisive in Uli’s expression. Uli wants to talk to him about something, that much is obvious. He agrees and they leave together.

As they sit at a table at Der Hufnagel, a local eatery by the station, Marc quickly texts Kay, letting him know he’ll be late.  
Uli eyes him curiously while he texts, and asks bluntly,

“Texting Kay?”

Marc tenses up, “what?”

“I asked if you just texted Kay to let him know you’re here.”

Marc feels cornered.

“Why would I be letting Kay know I’m here?” he counters.

Uli raises an eyebrow and continues, 

“I’m not accusing you, Marc. I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on with you.  
I saw you two at lunch today, when I was returning to the station.”

Marc holds Uli’s gaze, “yeah, and?”

A half smile forms on Uli’s face, 

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. The way you two look at one another, how could I have missed it?  
And, of course, it explains your little temper tantrum last Friday when we talked about Jan.”

Marc still doesn’t know how to react.  
Admitting anything could put his job in jeopardy, both their jobs maybe. But is he really going to sit here and blatantly lie to his friend?

Uli adds reassuringly, 

“It’s ok, Marc. I know you need to keep it under wraps at work. That’s why I wanted to talk here and not at the station. I’m not going to rat you out. I just want you to know that I know. You have an ally.”

Marc rubs his temples, trying to form a response. He’s feeling equal parts relief and panic. He’s relieved Uli knows and is supportive, but he’s panicking at the thought that if it’s so obvious to Uli, it might be obvious to others too.

“You know, when Kay first came here, he was in a dark place. He let it slip once, I think he was a little drunk, that he’d run from a bad situation with a guy in Ludwigsburg.”

Uli pauses for a moment, then adds, “that was you, right?”

Marc is still rubbing his temples as he nods.

“That would be me. I was the asshole who broke his heart.”  
Then he adds, “if it’s any consolation, I broke my own heart too.”

Uli nods understandingly, “so was Kay the reason you and Bettina split up?”

Marc nods again. 

“A lot of people got hurt back then, which is why getting back together wasn’t an easy decision, especially for Kay.”

“I hope everything works out better for you two this time,” Uli says encouragingly.  
“And I hope you know you can talk to me, Marc. I value our friendship and I can only imagine how difficult your situation is at work these days. But you should know, I’m always on the side rooting for love to overcome adversity.” 

His smile is friendly, and fills Marc with hope and gratitude.

============================================

Kay opens the door, Marc walks in and asks, “ever consider giving me a key?”  
Kay plants a chaste kiss on his cheek and says, “I did. You gave it back. You need to earn it, this time.”  
Marc pauses, then asks earnestly, “how do I earn it back?”  
Kay pulls him closer, puts his arms around him, looks into his eyes and says, “by convincing me you’ll never give it back again.”  
Their lips meet for a long, languid kiss. Foreheads touching, Kay asks, “what did Uli want?”  
“He knows.” Marc says matter-of-factly.  
“He figured it all out. Wanted us to know he’s happy for us and will keep it to himself.”  
Kay purses his lips, impressed, “Nice. That’s one person we can be open with.”  
“I’m going to tell Bettina this weekend, too.” Marc adds.  
Kay’s eyes soften, and he places another soft kiss on his lips. “Good”, he mutters.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc tells Bettina. Kay meets Jan. And the shit hits the fan.

**Early Morning, Saturday**

He leans down to kiss Kay goodbye before leaving for Stuttgart. Kay wakes up and groggily pulls him in for a deeper kiss.  
“Good luck, babe” he whispers.  
Marc smiles at the new term of endearment. He’s only going to be away one night, but it will be the first night they spend apart since getting back together. 

_Sheesh, when did I turn into such a sap?_

The drive is uneventful, and he’s focused on rehearsing what he’d say to Bettina.  
It’s crucial to get it just right so she won’t try to stop him from introducing Lukas to Kay.

He’s surprised when a man he’d never seen before, presumably Bettina’s boyfriend Stephane, opens the door for him when he arrives.  
Does he live here now? He wonders, feeling slightly resentful that she can bring a man into her home without a second thought, while he has to get her permission.

“Nice to meet you Marc, I’m Stephane,” the brown haired, blue eyed man, that does in fact resemble him, just as Frank had said, greets him.  
“Bettina and Lukas popped over to the Farmer’s Market with Claudia this morning. They should be back soon.”  
Marc walks in and places his overnight bag on the floor. He always stays in the guest bedroom but feels uncomfortable just charging in with Stephane around.  
“Do you live here?” he asks in a surprised tone.  
Stephane chuckles, “not officially. But I’m here more than at my place, so we’ll probably make it official soon.”  
Marc isn’t sure how he feels about a man he doesn’t know living with Lukas, and without even being consulted or asked.  
He seethes silently.

Bettina and Lukas get back a few moments later, to his relief, and his mood changes completely when his beautiful son runs into his arms.  
“Hey Marc!” Bettina chirps happily, “I see you met Stephane!”  
She and Stephane exchange smiles.  
“I did,” Marc replies, Lukas in his arms, “it was a surprise being let in by a stranger,” he adds.

Stephane’s presence throws a wrench in his plans to have a heart to heart with Bettina, and he just wants to get out of there. He decides to take Lukas out for the day.  
They pack a bag with a few toys and snacks and promise to return by 6 pm. He takes Lukas to the movies to watch Frozen 2, then they have lunch and stop for ice cream after. Anything to keep them out of Bettina’s place a bit longer, to give him a chance to formulate a new plan.  
When they return that evening, Stephane is gone, and he finds Bettina is in the kitchen, making dinner. He gives Lukas his bath, and the three of them sit down to eat together.  
“How was your guys’ fun day out?” she asks.  
“It was good, but Frozen 2 is for girls, and daddy made me watch it.” Marc rolls his eyes and smiles.  
After dinner he helps Lukas brush his teeth and reads him 3 bedtime stories before he finally falls asleep.

He returns to the living room, hoping to chat with Bettina, and finds her on the couch reading.  
“Stephane should be back later tonight after his shift,” she says. “I hope he doesn’t wake you when he gets back.”  
Marc nods, “I didn’t know he was here so often,” he adds. Bettina gives him a challenging look, “is that a problem?” she asks.  
“No,” he says quickly, realizing this can play in his favor.

They’re silent for a few minutes. Then he swallows and says, “Kay and I are together.”  
Bettina looks at him, her eyes narrow, “congratulations” she says icily.  
“I’d like to introduce him to Lukas next time he comes to Munich.”  
It’s apparent from her expression that she’s not happy to hear this. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” she asks.  
“How is it different from you having Stephane around him?” Marc asks.  
Bettina’s mouth drops, “are you serious, Marc?” she asks incredulously.  
“You really don’t see the difference? Kay is the reason his parents aren’t together, not Stephane.”  


It’s not going well.  


“Bettina, that isn’t fair. I was the one who cheated, not Kay.”  
She sulks silently.  
“And besides, he adds, what does that have to do with Lukas? Kay is my boyfriend. We’re together. I don’t want to hide that from my son.”  
Anger, hurt and resentment shine in Bettina’s eyes. She stands to face Marc, and says, “I can’t tell you what to do with your life, Marc. But I think that after tonight, you should make other overnight plans when you come to visit Lukas. I don’t think this arrangement of you staying here works anymore.”  
And with that, she walks out to her bedroom slamming the door behind her.

**Sunday, Munich**

Kay is surprised to see Jan’s name light up on his phone’s screen that morning. They hadn’t spoken since the day he moved out.

“Hallo?” 

“Hey Kay, how are you?” 

“I’m good, thanks. How about you?

“Not too bad. Busy with work, you know how it is.”

Kay waits for Jan to explain why he’s calling.

“I have a box here with some of your things that had been mixed in with mine. I’ve been collecting them since you left and thought you might want them back.”

_Finally_, he thinks, as he says “Thanks for keeping it for me. When would be a good time for me to swing by and get it?”

“How about this evening? If you’re not busy, maybe we can have dinner first?”

Kay hadn’t expected the dinner invitation, but Marc isn’t due back until around 10 pm, so what’s the harm? It’s just dinner with an old friend.

**That Evening**

Kay arrives at the restaurant at 7:30 to find Jan already waiting for him at the bar.  
Jan had picked their old place, a small Italian trattoria, just a short walk from where they’d lived. The food is excellent, the wine cheap and good, and the atmosphere laid back and just a little too intimate. They hug when they greet one another, and Kay feels a small tug on his heart when Jan smiles warmly at him.  
“You’re looking good,” Jan says appreciatively. Kay smirks. Jan had always gone on about his looks, had been enamored by how handsome he was, and liked to call it out to embarrass him.  
“It’s nice to see you, Jan.” Kay smiles, as they are led to their old familiar table.  
Jan orders a bottle of wine and says, “I’m glad you could come at such short notice. Marc didn’t mind?”  
Kay plays with his fork and says, “Marc is out of town this weekend, visiting his son in Stuttgart.”  
They glance at the menus but order their usual when the server appears, having dined here regularly for years.  
“So how are things going for you, Kay?” Jan asks, expectantly. “Are you happy?”  
Kay chooses his words carefully, “Some things are great, others are challenging. We’re figuring it out.” He doesn’t want to hurt Jan, but he doesn’t want to lead him on either.  
“Do you think he’s changed?” Jan asks suddenly, catching Kay off guard. He hadn’t expected such pointed, personal questions tonight. He thought they’d just have a pleasant meal for old time’s sake and say goodbye.  
“I’m not here to discuss Marc with you,” he replies quickly.  
Jan’s expression changes from open and friendly to just a little haughty, “maybe you should reconsider.”  
Kay is starting to feel very uncomfortable, he’s not sure what’s going on, but can tell there’s more to it than a friendly meal, “what am I doing here, Jan?”  
Jan eyes him closely, “I ran into some colleagues of yours last week when I was walking across Marienplatz. Oliver and Will. They were very friendly and knew all about our breakup. So imagine my surprise when I realized they had no idea you were dating Marc now!” 

_Scheiße, scheiße, scheiße!!_

“Did you say anything to them about it?” Kay asks, alarmed.  
Jan gazes at him coolly, then says in a disappointed tone, “Is your self-esteem so low, Kay, that you’re allowing him make you his dirty little secret again?”  
Kay grabs the table with his fists, forcing himself not to use them on Jan, as he says in a steely voice, “my life is no longer any of your concern, Jan. Stay out of it!”  
He gets up, grabs his jacket, and leaves the restaurant.  
He’s about to go home, when he realizes Jan is now in a position to ruin both of them. If he wanted to, he could call Schmidt tomorrow and tell him everything.  
He decides to smoke a cigarette, and go back in after he cools off to talk some sense into Jan.

Before he finishes his cigarette, Jan exits the restaurant, stops next to Kay and says,  
“if you’re done blowing off steam, let’s continue our conversation back at my place.”  
The last thing he wants to do is go to Jan’s, but he doesn’t have a choice. Jan is holding all the cards now.

They enter the apartment in silence. Kay sits on a bar stool by the breakfast bar in the kitchen, purposely avoiding the living room. He doesn’t want Jan to get the wrong idea. He’s here to find a way to keep Jan from spilling the beans about them at work, not for any other purpose.

Jan sits in the stool beside him and tries to trace his jawline with his finger, but Kay moves away from his touch, hissing “please don’t!”  
Jan sighs loudly, “Why Kay? You said you’d never go back to that. That you’d never allow anyone to treat you this way again. I don’t understand it!”  
“You’re right, you don’t understand. Because it’s not for you to understand, Jan. This is my life, these are my choices to make. I’m not a child, and it’s not your job to watch over me.” He knows Jan thinks he’s just trying to look out for him, as he’d done for the past 2.5 years, but he needs to make him stop.  
“I care about you Kay. You know that. I can’t sit by and watch you give yourself to a man that doesn’t deserve you.”  
It’s now clear to Kay that Jan’s jealousy is at the crux of it all. He can’t stand that Kay chose a secret relationship with Marc over what they shared. But there might be a way to turn this around…  
“It’s not him keeping it a secret, Jan. It’s me.”  
A look of great surprise appears on the older man’s face. Kay nods and continues, “I decided not to go public about it at work until I trust him completely. So you see, there’s no problem with my self-esteem, and no need for you to charge in to save the day. I can take care of myself.”

This certainly changes the picture. Jan looks a little deflated. He’d called Kay that day with such high hopes, believing he’d be able to talk him into seeing Marc was only going to hurt him again. He certainly hadn’t expected this. He shrugs dejectedly and says, “I guess I was wrong. I apologize for overstepping.”  
Kay says he accepts the apology and is out of there in a flash. It’s 11 pm, and Marc had called and left messages on his phone for the past hour.

When he arrives at his apartment, he finds Marc sitting by the front door, head against the concrete wall, nodding off. He bends down and rubs his cheek softly to wake him.  
“Where have you been?” Marc asks in a concerned tone.  
“I met Jan for dinner,” he replies. “It’s a long story.”  
They walk into the apartment, and Marc exclaims,  
“Wait, what? You had dinner with your ex and didn’t even tell me about it? Then ignored my calls and texts? What the hell, Kay?” Marc is pissed off now.  
Kay sits on the sofa holding his throbbing head. “It wasn’t like that, Marc. I promise.”  
“Then how was it?” Marc’s says in a hard tone.  
“He called and made up some story about having a box of my stuff for me to pick up, then manipulated me into having dinner with him.”  
Marc looks at him coldly, and adds sarcastically, “did he throw you a party while you were there too?”  
“Come on Marc, don’t.”  
Marc shakes his head vigorously, “no, this is bullshit Kay. While I’m telling Bettina that I’m going to introduce you to my son, dealing with her rage, and standing up for us, you’re running around having dinner with your ex behind my back. This is too much.”  
He grabs his bag and walks purposefully towards the front door.  
Kay gets up and walks over, grabbing his arm, “Marc, don’t go. Stay here and talk to me.”  
But Marc walks out without a second glance, slamming the door behind him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The realization he might lose everything he's worked for spurs Marc into finally taking some much needed action.

_He grabs his bag and walks purposefully towards the front door._  
_Kay gets up and walks over, grabbing his arm, “Marc, don’t go. Stay here and talk to me.”_  
_But Marc walks out without a second glance, slamming the door behind him.__ _

__

_ _=============================================_ _

_ _

His alarm tears him away from the comfort and warmth of a dream so lifelike, it takes him a moment to realize that’s all it was. 

_They’re on a paddle boat on lake Starnberg. The summer sun spreads warm golden rays across the lake, the clear water sparkles, and the three of them are smiling, having a wonderful time together. They’re completely relaxed. A happy family; Lukas, him and Kay._

If only, he thinks sullenly. 

He shuts his eyes as memories from the awful weekend flood back into his mind.  
Bettina’s regression to such raw hatred of Kay and Kay’s hurtful betrayal.  
He cringes when he thinks of his brash reaction. Why can’t he learn to control his temper? He should have stayed. Should’ve listened to Kay.  
He’s scared that if they keep riding this emotional roller coaster, Kay will get fed up with it…fed up with him.  
What kind of future can they have with so much drama? How can he bring Lukas into such an environment? 

_ _============================================_ _

Kay looks for him in his office when he has a break from training, but just misses Marc leaving for a meeting with Schmidt.  
The first time their paths cross is in the canteen at lunch. When their eyes meet, their gazes are identical; sad, contrite and unrested.  
They eat at a table with their friends, doing their best to remain engaged in the conversation, but neither one is in the right frame of mind to socialize.  
Marc stays a little late that night, finishing up some administrative work he’d fallen behind on, filing the necessary HR forms for the new hires on his unit. 

When he walks into his apartment that evening, he’s not expecting to find Kay smoking on the balcony, waiting for him.  
He joins him, lighting up his own cigarette. They smoke in silence for a few minute.

“I shouldn’t have agreed to meet him for dinner,” Kay says quietly, still facing forward, not looking at Marc. “It was stupid and inconsiderate.” 

Marc is quiet for a moment, then replies just as softly, “I shouldn’t have left like that.” 

Kay takes a step closer, so their shoulders are touching. 

“Why does it have to be so hard, Marc?” 

Marc shakes his head, “I don’t know,” he sighs wearily, “I wanted it to be so different this time.”

Kay takes a long drag, then says, “It is different. It can be incredible; you know it can. Last weekend at the lake was the best day. And our nights together, they’re everything.” 

He pauses and takes another drag. 

“But the secrets are killing us, Marc. If we don’t figure out how to get rid of them, they’ll ruin us.” 

Marc feels the tears well up. He knows Kay is right. And he knows Kay is giving him an ultimatum. Find a way for us to be out or lose me. 

Kay flicks away his cigarette butt and takes Marc’s hand, walking him to the bedroom. They make love slowly, languidly. There’s a tug of melancholy tinging the intimacy of their lovemaking. Both men feel they’re at a precipice, and their future can go either way. 

_ _=================================================_ _

The next morning they wake up nestled in each other’s arms. Neither one moves for a long while, not wanting to break the rare bubble of calm they’ve created.  
Marc finally breaks the silence by whispering softly, “I’ll find a way. I won’t lose you again.”  
Kay tightens his grip but says nothing. 

_ _==================================================_ _

Marc skips the canteen that day. He spends his lunch break in his office, doing research on his laptop.  
Then he calls Frank to ask for advice on the best way to approach their situation at work. Frank has been rising in the ranks in the Ludwigsburg force and has more management experience than Marc. 

“It’s a tough situation, but not hopeless,” he says. 

“They won’t want you in the same department, but if Kay is willing to take on some training, with his background, they wouldn’t have a problem finding another post for him. The Munich police force is massive, there are lots of opportunities. As long as he’s open to them.” 

“But Marc,” he continues, “the most important thing is that you speak to your boss about it now!  
Don’t let him find out from anyone but you, or he’ll have to throw the book at you.  
Give him a chance to solve it before it becomes an HR nightmare for him.” 

Marc thanks Frank for the advice and reminds him of Kay’s birthday party on Saturday. 

“I’ll be there,” Frank promises, “but Claudia won’t. Sorry mate.” 

Marc is disappointed but not surprised. She’d always sided with Bettina. 

_ _=============================================_ _

Marc schedules a one on one with Schmidt for the following morning, the first availability Carolin found on his calendar.  
He then spends another hour researching open posts on the Munich Police intranet site, and the training courses available.  
He plans to come to the meeting prepared, leaving nothing to chance. 

_ _=============================================_ _

_ _They’re eating the Chinese food Kay picked up for dinner when he mentions Alex had called him earlier, asking what he was doing for his birthday. _ _

_ _“He’s coming down on Saturday,” he tells Marc, “says it’s for my birthday, but I think he’s really coming to meet you.” _ _

_ _“You told him we’re back together?” Marc asks, surprised. He thought Kay was waiting until they’d sort things out at work before he told his family about them._ _

_ _Kay dips a piece of chicken in sweet and sour sauce, then says with slight irritation, “Jan told him. He called his place a couple weeks ago looking for me. I hadn’t told him about the break-up yet.”_ _

_ _He takes another bite of chicken, and adds with a wry smile, “I let him know the party would be weird, since we’re still figuring out the work thing. But he’ll stay at my place for the weekend, so I’m sure he’ll find an opportunity to interrogate you”._ _

_ _Marc responds with his own half smile, and adds, “it’ll be an interesting weekend. Franks’ staying at my place Saturday too.” _ _

_ _They finish eating and clear off the table, putting the leftover containers in the fridge._ _

_ _When they walk out for their after dinner smoke on the balcony, Marc hugs Kay tightly from behind, placing his head in the crook of his neck, “I wish neither one of them was coming this weekend…I hate the thought of spending your birthday in separate beds, on top of having to pretend I’m just one of the guys at your party.”_ _

_ _Kay turns his head toward Marc’s, kisses him and says, “hopefully, this is just the first of many more birthdays together.” _ _

_ _===============================================_ _

_ _“Come in, come in Borgmann!” Schmidt barks, as Marc peers inside his office._ _

_ _“Carolin tells me this is a personal matter, nothing to do with the unit? What’s on your mind?”_ _

_ _Marc takes a seat and clears his throat. He’s nervous, but wants to appear confident._ _

_ _“I wanted to let you know that my personal situation has changed recently.”_ _

_ _Schmidt looks at him expectantly._ _

_ _“I’ve begun a romantic relationship with someone…um…someone in the department. It wasn’t planned, it just happened. I know it’s not an ideal situation, which is why I’d like to make you aware of it and ask for your advice on how to navigate it.”_ _

_ _Schmidt’s eyes narrow intently, “someone in the department, you say? Aside from Carolin, there are only three women in the department. Are you going to tell me which one it is?” _ _

_ _His voice is stern, but he doesn’t sound angry._ _

_ _Marc keeps his expression neutral as he says, “Kay Engel.”_ _

_ _The shock registered on Schmidt’s face would make him laugh, if it didn’t scare the living daylights out of him. If Schmidt is homophobic, they can both kiss their careers goodbye. _ _

_ _“I see,” Schmidt recovers. “I must say this is a surprise. I knew about Engel, but never expected you were also…well, you know.”_ _

_ _Marc doesn’t know how to respond, so he repeats, “it wasn’t planned.”_ _

_ _Schmidt nods as he clearly mulls this information over. _ _

_ _“This is quite a pickle, Borgmann. You’re both excellent officers, but I can’t keep you both in the department if this is happening.” _ _

_ _Marc nods with understanding. _ _

_ _“In fact, you could get in pretty serious trouble over this, Marc. You’re a commanding officer in Engel’s department, there are clear rules against this sort of thing.”  
Marc nods again._ _

_ _Schmidt’s expression softens slightly, and he adds, “good thing you came to me before anyone found out. We can keep it quiet, no one needs to know until we find a solution. Would Engel be open to transitioning to another department? I can’t lose a unit commander.” _ _

_ _Marc nods, “He’s a good candidate for a few open posts listed on the intranet site,” he says, pointing to a print out he’d brought with him, a few posts circled in red marker._ _

_ _Schmidt is surprised and a little impressed, “I see you’ve thought this through, done your research. Good. Let me see those. I’ll look into some possibilities and we’ll talk again soon. In the meantime, keep it under wraps.”_ _

_ _Marc steps out of Schmidt’s office and breathes a sigh of relief._ _


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the great discussion in the comments. They helped me finesse the solution a bit.
> 
> This is the last pre-party chapter...emotions are running high, everyone's tense, and it's all building up to Chapter 14!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * The Bereitschaftspolizei (literally "Readiness Police/On-Call Police (Reserve)", effectively Anti-Riot Police) are the support and rapid reaction units of Germany's police forces. They are composed of detachments from the Federal Police and the State Police forces of Germany.

_Marc steps out of Schmidt’s office and breathes a sigh of relief. _

=====================================================

The sense of relief didn’t last very long.  
The more he thought about the meeting with Schmidt, the less certain he was about how he’d approached it. Could he really expect Kay to be the one to make the sacrifice for them? And for what? To save his new job?  
He’s the one who invaded Kay’s world, his city, his unit…how could he put the responsibility for untangling the mess he created on Kay’s shoulders?  
Hadn’t he promised Kay he’d changed? Stopped thinking of his own comfort and security first? 

_I’m a very different person today. I’m not that selfish kid trying to please everyone around him. I’m not running away from the truth, or from making hard decisions. _

These are the thoughts racing in his mind that night, keeping him from joining Kay in restful sleep. He turns to his side to get a better view of Kay’s beautiful face.  
He can’t afford to make any more mistakes. The price he’d pay is too high.

=========================================================

Carolin manages to find 15 free minutes for him on Schmidt’s calendar on Friday, and this time he charges in with more conviction. 

“Oh Borgmann, good! I have some news for you,” Schmidt announces as soon as Marc enters, not giving him a chance to open his mouth.  
“I took a look at the job posts you marked up and made a few calls. You know, I think Engel can do better. Your guy has proven himself many times over in this department.  
He’s capable, experienced, and a strong strategic thinker; as the successful strategic collaboration between you two has proven recently.” 

He pauses and gives Marc a very unsettling wink. 

“Werner Müller, head of the Bereitschaftspolizei’s Strategic Integration unit in Berlin is looking for feet on the ground here in Munich. Someone on his team who’d ensure federal decisions are integrated effectively here. I sent him Engel’s file and he was impressed. He wants to meet him next week, in Berlin.”

Marc is speechless. He doubts Kay would consider a promotion like that a compromise. 

“It’s a new position, Müller’s team has never had local representation, so it’s quite an exciting opportunity.”

Marc nods enthusiastically, “it sounds amazing!” he agrees.

“It would require regular trips to Berlin. Hopefully that won’t be an issue for Engel.”

“I doubt it, but I guess we should discuss it with him?” Marc suggests. 

For the first time, he allows himself to believe that they just might be able to find a solution.

“Gut, then it’s set. Talk it over with Engel and tell him to give me his decision by Monday. If he’s interested, he should plan on traveling to Berlin for his interview with Müller Wednesday morning.”

=================================================================

Marc and Kay have to rush to their own apartments that evening.  
The birthday weekend is starting earlier than planned as Frank and Alex have both decided to drive to Munich on Friday night to spend more time with them.  
They meet briefly in the parking lot for a moment to align on the plan,  
“Brunch at Gartensalon tomorrow at 11?” Kay asks.  
“Yep.”  
Just as Kay begins to turn to walk to his car, Marc grabs his wrist, just as he had at Ludwigsburg hospital so many years ago, a pleading expression on his face.  
Kay looks at him questioningly, and Marc whispers, “I’ll miss you.”  
The blond grins and walks away.

==================================================================

**Friday Night at Marc's **

Frank arrives just past 8 pm. It’s the first time he’s visited Marc since the move and he’s looking forward to spending time together. The distance has been an adjustment for both of them, after working together and living close by for so long. 

“Let’s get some dinner. There’s an American style hamburger joint down the street that’s pretty good.” Marc suggests.

They grab their jackets and go.

After enjoying some carefree banter, and downing more than a few beers, Frank asks Marc how things are going with Kay. Marc hadn’t shared much with him lately, aside from their issue at work, but he’d gotten a sense there was more going on than Marc was letting on. He seems tense. 

“Things with Kay are…” Marc’s voice trails off…”confusing as hell”.

Frank smirks, “I don’t think that’s a Kay-specific problem. Aren’t all relationships confusing? Definitely in the early stages?”

Marc shakes his head, his brow scrunched with tension, 

“I don’t know Frank, my feelings for him are so intense, but I keep messing up, no matter how hard I try not to. I constantly feel like I’m drowning…  
When it’s good, it’s fucking incredible!  
But everything between us is so explosive. I don’t how to fix it.” 

Marc’s always been a maudlin, sentimental drunk.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come here. Maybe he’d be better off without me.”

Frank slams his beer on the table, making Marc flinch. He looks at him incredulously and almost shouts, 

“What the hell are you talking about Marc? You’ve been pining for him for 5 years! And he’s obviously just as into you from what you told me. He left his boyfriend a hot minute after you showed up, and he’s giving you a second chance.  
Are you really going to throw that away? Again?”

A pained expression settles on Marc’s face. He takes a long swig of beer and rubs his temples.  
Frank lowers his voice, but maintains a stern tone, 

“I’ve watched you take the easy way out for years, Marc. Making bad decision after bad decision because it meant less confrontations, less disappointing others, and less growing the hell up!  
It’s why it took you five damn years to get off your ass and go after Kay in the first place!  
What I haven’t seen from you, ever, is fighting, really fighting for what you want.”

Marc winces at Frank’s verbal lashing.

"You know I love you like a brother, so listen to me when I tell you to stop being a coward.  
Get your big boy pants on and fight for this, Marc.  
Fight for it like it’s the only thing that matters. Because it is!  
Going to sleep at night by the person you love trumps anything else that may be holding you back.”

===============================================================

**Friday Night at Kay’s**

Alex is lounging lazily on the couch. He passes the joint to Kay who is sprawled on the armchair beside him.  
“I don’t like it, Kay,” the younger man grumbles, “I worry about you.”  
Kay rolls his eyes.  
“Duly noted. Good thing I can take care of myself,” he drawls.  
Alex sits up and argues, “if memory serves, last time the two of you collided, you didn’t do a great job of taking care of yourself.”  
Kay gets up, stretches his legs, and looks squarely at his brother,  
“Can we not do this, Alex? I thought you came here to celebrate my birthday, not to criticize my life.  
I get enough of that from them. Can’t you just be happy for me?”  
In response, Alex lays back down on the couch, feeling a tinge of guilt.  
“And please be nice tomorrow,” Kay adds as he hands the joint back and begins getting ready for bed.

==================================================================

** Saturday, 11:30 am, Gartensalon**

When Marc first sees him, he's blown away by the physical similarities. Alex’s hair is darker and his eyes are a different shade of blue, but the family resemblance is strong with the Engel brothers. He also notes that Alex exudes a similar air of confidence, even arrogance, that he’d seen in Kay in those early days at the academy.

Mimosa in hand, Alex turns to him and asks,  
“so Marc, help me understand, if you were so in love with my brother, why did it take you five years to make a move?” 

Kay glares, “you don’t have to answer that, Marc,” then turns to Alex and hisses, “behave!”

But Alex keeps going, “come on, it’s a perfectly logical question,” he turns to face Marc, “you treated him like something you stepped in, told him to leave, then five years later, you show up at his workplace and start screwing up his life. So, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for the people who care about Kay to wonder.”

Marc turns away from Alex’s accusing gaze. He searches Kay’s eyes for reassurance, but before he can speak, Frank comes to his defense.

“You know, Alex, it was Kay who showed up in the middle of Marc’s life and messed it all up, back then. It was Kay who followed Marc from the academy and expected him to leave the only life he’d ever known behind; expected him to walk out on his own child and his girlfriend of 5 years.  
Do you really think Marc is to blame for everything that happened between them?”

Marc and Kay sit back and watch the surreal debate unfold, cringing internally to hear their defenders hash out the entire history of their relationship before them.

Alex is quick to respond to Frank’s rebuttal with a sarcastic smirk, “maybe if Marc hadn’t been so quick to jump into bed with him, Kay wouldn’t have had those expectations!”

A natural redhead, Frank’s complexion turns beet red with anger, “maybe if Kay had shown an ounce of decency or consideration towards Marc’s family, he would’ve realized he had made commitments and had obligations he couldn’t turn his back on for a good lay!”

Alex is about to respond, when Marc gets up, flings a few bills down on the table, squeezes Kay’s hand telling him he’d see him at the party, then turns to Alex and says, “it was a pleasure, but I think Kay and I have better things to do than listen to the two of you debate the merits of our actions over the last few years”, then grabs Frank by the arm and leads him to the car.

On their way to the car, he puts his arm around Frank, and says, “thanks mate, I owe you one.”

======================================================================

Next chapter: Kay's birthday party!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay's birthday party has finally arrived.  
And it's quite a celebration!

“Ready?” Alex asks as Kay walks out of the bedroom, dressed in a pair of dark, snug jeans, a soft, form fitting blue sweater and his leather jacket.  
He looks his brother over and whistles playfully. “Looking good, Engel! Maybe you’ll get lucky tonight,” laughing at his own joke.  
Kay humors him with a half-smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, followed by a clear command to “lay off Marc tonight.”  
Alex rolls his eyes, and Kay snaps, “I mean it!”

====================================================================================

When they arrive at “Hänsel”, the karaoke bar Will had directed them to, they find a group of Kay’s friends already spread across 2 large tables.  
Most of his unit is there along with their significant others, and he recognizes a few more friends from kickboxing and the gym.  
Will is the first to rush over to welcome the birthday boy, beaming at him, as he introduces a handsome friend he brought along. A young man named Henri who Will seems to be offering up to Kay as a birthday present. 

His stomach lurches. He has a bad feeling about this.

The brothers head to the bar to grab drinks, and Kay senses someone standing over his shoulder.  
He turns his head and finds Henri standing uncomfortably close. He gestures to the bar stool on his left, hoping Henri would get the drift.  
Alex guffaws in amusement as he watches the scene play out.  
“It’s going to be a fun night!” he exclaims, raising his glass to Kay in a mock salute.

The atmosphere in the club is retro-cool. It’s got an old school vibe, highly stylized industrial décor with a single step leading to a moody black stage with two single microphone stands. It’s a little reminiscent of a club from the 1930’s, and so far, the music is to Kay’s liking.  
He walks around the room greeting everyone and thanking them for coming. When he reaches Andreas, who’s sitting with Will, he notes with surprise that they’re already tipsy, as they hug him and announce that the Hänsel has a strict policy requiring every patron to perform at least one karaoke song before the night is out.  
“I don’t sing, and you should be grateful for it!” he informs them in a no-nonsense tone that brooks no argument.

Suddenly Alex appears beside him whispering, “loverboy’s here!”  
Kay’s head snaps instantly towards the entrance as Marc and Frank walk in. His gaze follows them as they make their way over, eyes glued on Marc.  
His sharp intake of breath reveals the fierce ardor stoked by the image of Marc in his black jeans and belt, black v neck shirt, and gunmetal sport coat.  
When they’re finally face to face, they ogle one another fervently, clearly fighting the urge to touch in some way. Frank and Alex can’t help but snicker at the pair’s dismal failure to hide their desire. 

“Down boys!” Alex whispers smugly, “at this rate you’ll be banging in the bathroom in no time, and that’s probably not the best way for your colleagues to find out.” 

Unaccustomed to Alex’s brashness, Marc blushes, which only makes him laugh harder.

“Happy birthday,” Marc mutters to Kay. It’s all he can say to him right here and now, but in his mind, it’s code for everything he wants to say; _you’ve never looked hotter, I want you right now, god I love you…_

Kay leans in to give him an innocuous looking, friendly hug, but deliberately presses his chest against Marc’s and whispers in his ear, “Keeping my hands off you is going to be torture.”

Blushing again, Marc needs to adjust his jeans before he can follow Frank to the bar. 

Frank’s eyes crinkle with amusement as he asks, “are you going to make it through the night, buddy?”  
He orders a whiskey sour and replies glumly, “do I have a choice?”  
Suddenly he feels an arm drape around his back. He turns to see Alex park himself on the bar stool beside him. The only thing helping him hide his irritation is the knowledge that this is Kay’s brother, so one way or another, he must find a way to get along with him.

“Have you seen the little hottie flirting with him?” Alex goads. “He’s been at it all night. That guy Will brought him. I’m pretty sure he’s supposed to be Kay’s designated hook up tonight.”

This gets Marc’s attention. He glares over at Henri who’s practically sitting in Kay’s lap, he’s pulled his chair so close. He notices Kay trying to back away, but he still seethes at the idea of an objectively good-looking guy aggressively pursuing him.

At that point the MC takes the stage introducing the night’s karaoke challenge: every person in the club must participate or suffer the consequences!  
The crowd responds with applause, whooping and laughter.  
Ilsa and Annika who make up two thirds of the unit’s female members are all nervous giggles as they take the stage first. They belt out a raunchy rendition of Lady Marmalade, with the crowd cheering them on appreciatively. 

Throughout the song, Marc keeps his eye on Henri who continues to flirt expertly with Kay, finding dozens of ways to initiate physical contact. 

“Just strip for him and get it over with,” he mutters under his breath.

Never one to miss an opportunity, Alex leans closer whispering, “to everyone here, he’s fair game.”

Marc throws back a shot of whiskey and makes his way to Kay’s table.  
A few more out of tune performances in, Henri surprises Kay with a peck on the lips, as he announces loudly “this is for you, handsome!”.  
He gets on stage and performs the song “Fever” directly to to Kay, adding suggestive gestures. The crowd’s howls and whistles grow louder, as his moves becomes more risqué.  
Marc slips into the chair Henri has vacated at Kay’s side and instantly feels Kay’s fingers lace with his own, squeezing tightly under the table. He knows Kay is telling him to breathe. Relax. The kid means nothing to him.

He’s not really jealous. He knows Henri doesn’t pose a threat to him. He is well aware that Kay wants him as much as he wants Kay.  
But not openly acknowledging their relationship, not being able to put his arm around him, kiss him, claim him as his in front of everyone is driving him absolutely crazy. 

Marc gets up abruptly and heads purposefully back to the bar, where he orders a couple more whiskey shots, and downs them one after the other.

Frank hurries over, worried, “Everything ok? What are you doing? Marc?”

Marc looks him straight in the eye, and says, “liquid courage, baby. It’s time to fight for what I want!”

With that, he charges up onto the stage, leaving Frank behind, jaw dropped in surprise.  
Everyone who knows Marc does a double take when he grabs the microphone. Singing karaoke is not a typical activity Marc Borgmann would ever engage in.  
He huddles for a moment with the MC, and the first notes of the song begin.

__**If you want a lover  
** __**I'll do anything you ask me to  
** _**And if you want another kind of love**_**  
** _**I'll wear a mask for you**_**  
** _**If you want a partner**_**  
** _**Take my hand**_**  
** _**Or if you want to strike me down in anger**_**  
** _**Here I stand  
**_ _**I'm your man**_

_ **If you want a boxer**_**  
** _**I will step into the ring for you**_**  
** _**And if you want a doctor**_**  
** _**I'll examine every inch of you**_**  
** _**If you want a driver**_**  
** _**Climb inside**_**  
** _**Or if you want to take me for a ride**_**  
** _**You know you can  
**_ _**I'm your man**_

_ **Ah, the moon's too bright**_**  
** _**The chain's too tight**_**  
** _**The beast won't go to sleep**_**  
** _**I've been running through these promises to you**_**  
** _**That I made and I could not keep**_**  
** _**Ah but a man never got a man back**_**  
** _**Not by begging on his knees**_**  
** _**Or I'd crawl to you baby**_**  
** _**And I'd fall at your feet**_**  
** _**And I'd howl at your beauty**_**  
** _**Like a dog in heat**_**  
** _**And I'd claw at your heart**_**  
** _**And I'd tear at your sheet**_**  
** _**I'd say please, please  
**_ _**I'm your man**_

When he reaches the final line, he jumps off the stage, mic in hand, and struts over to Kay.  
Without so much as a second thought to who is watching or what they might say, he bends down and kisses Kay on the lips. A long, deep, sensual kiss that leaves them both breathless.  
When they break apart, Marc brings the mic to his lips and says, "happy birthday, babe". 

At that moment, the club erupts in loud clapping, hooting and whistling. But all Marc sees is the elated smile on Kay’s face. 

_I did that_, he thinks. 

Kay pulls him into a bone crushing hug, whispering in his ear that he loves him.  
When they pull apart, Alex is there grinning. He pats him on the back and crows “nicely done. There’s hope for you yet.”  
Aside from Uli, their coworkers are clearly taken by surprise, but luckily, no one seems disapproving or judgmental about it.  
Will is the first to congratulate them, yelling jokingly from the other side of the table, “sorry Henri, but you’re no match for Marc!”  
After that, a torrent of well-wishers approach them, peppering them with questions about when it started, how it happened, and how long they’d kept it a secret. 

As the excitement around the new revelation begins to abate, Kay turns Marc to face him as he puts his hands around his neck.  
“What about Schmidt?” he asks in a serious tone, “he’s going to find out.”  
Marc’s smile never leaves his lips, “taken care of. Schmidt knows.”  
He kisses Kay sweetly and continues, “if you’re interested, you’ve got a job interview with Müller, in Berlin, next week. They want to make you a big shot - Müller’s strategy lead in Munich.”  
It’s Kay’s turn to be speechless. “When? How?” he finally mumbles.  
“I told you I’d figure it out. I wasn’t going to lose you again.” 

Kay kisses him passionately on the lips, then works his way down Marc’s neck, until he reaches his ear, and whispers, “we need to get out of here right now!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Your Man, by Leonard Cohen.  
Lyrics slightly altered from "a man never got a woman back" to "a man never got a man back".


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No longer hiding their relationship, Marc and Kay begin to build their new life together.  
Marc and Alex make peace, Kay interviews for the new job, and Marc visits his parents in Ludwigsburg.

Marc opens his eyes groggily and finds Kay laying beside him, head propped up on his elbow, gazing at him with a warm smile. He smiles back and mumbles, “Morning,” just as the blond reaches to lightly caress his cheek.  
Marc moves closer to snuggle against his warm chest, as Kay wraps his arms around him protectively.  
“Marc?” Kay drawls.  
“hmm?”  
“Did you mean everything you said last night? The song?” a soft tease his voice.  
“mmmhmmm”  
“Then can I hear you howl at my beauty like a dog in heat? I think I’d enjoy that,”  
Marc can tell by his tone that if he were to look up, he’d see Kay’s cocky grin lighting up his face.  
He pokes his elbow into Kay’s rib, “I should’ve recorded you last night cause I could’ve sworn that’s exactly what you sounded like when I sucked you off.”  
Kay’s laughter shakes the bed, and they readjust their position, limbs entangled.  
“So how pissed off do you think Frank and Alex are about us sending them to my place last night, so we could use yours?” Marc asks, smirking.  
Kay flicks his tongue back and forth forming small circles on Marc’s neck, “who cares? They deserved it, after the show they put on at brunch.”  
Marc stretches lazily against him and their naked bodies begin to respond more intensely to the contact. Just before he crushes his mouth onto Marc’s, Kay gazes deeply into his eyes and says, “you were incredible last night.” 

========================================================

**Sunday Afternoon, Glockenbach Neighborhood, Munich**

As the four men exit the pub where they just had lunch, they decide to stroll around and take in the colorful neighborhood. They fall into a natural two by two formation with Kay and Frank in the lead and Marc and Alex following. 

“I have to admit, what you did last night took guts. Which I didn’t think you had.” Alex says appreciatively; the vitriol that had marked their prior exchanges gone.  
“You probably think I’m an asshole after this weekend, but I was just looking out for him,” he continues, giving him a sideways glance.  
Marc nods silently in acknowledgment.  
“Kay’s been in love with you for years,” Alex continues. “I don’t think he ever stopped, not even when he was with Jan.”  
Marc meets his eyes, listening intently.  
“I know he comes off as super confident and strong, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be crushed.” He takes a deep breath, then exhales.  
“When you broke it off with him all those years ago, he was in really bad shape for a really long time,” he pauses, then touches Marc’s shoulder.  
“I need to know that won’t happen again.” 

Marc takes this in, walking silently beside him for a moment, before responding with his own thoughts,  
“I’ve never been a big risk taker. I grew up in Ludwigsburg surrounded by small-minded people, who raised me to think, live and dream just like they did.  
I never really rebelled or explored options beyond the traditional life and dreams I was taught to want.

So you have to understand that when hurricane Kay crashed into my life, he smashed it to pieces; from who I thought I was, what I believed I wanted, to what I held to be right, wrong, important. Hell, he even smashed my definition of love.” 

Marc shifts his gaze to check if Alex is listening, before he continues, 

“The experience wasn’t easy for me. I was confused, angry, scared, frustrated…I could barely breathe.  
And as amazing as each moment we spent together felt, I was such a pussy, to quote your eloquent  
brother, that it never even dawned on me that building a life with him was a realistic possibility, or even  
something I was free to want.”

He pulls a cigarette pack from his jean pocket and lights one, then offers one to Alex who shakes his head.

“It wasn’t until he left that I realized I couldn’t go on without him; because without him, no part of the old life I had believed I wanted until he showed up, made sense anymore.”

He smiles ruefully.

“You asked why it took me so long to come back? I had a lot of growing up to do before I could look for him, ask him to forgive me and give me another chance. I couldn’t go after him just to ease my own pain. I knew I needed to figure all my own shit out so it wouldn’t come between us again.  
Because the one thing I knew for certain was that if I ever did find him and convinced him to try again, I’d get a single shot to get it right.”

When their eyes connect, he thinks he sees compassion in Alex’s expression. 

“Coming to Munich is the biggest risk I’ve ever taken. Well, not counting last night,” he adds with a soft chuckle.  
“But that doesn’t mean I won’t mess up, or that we won’t hurt each other again. What relationship can promise that? The only thing I can say to reassure you is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s the only one I want.” 

Marc hadn’t been much of a talker until now, which makes this candid and vulnerable confession unexpected, but Alex appreciates it.  
He gives Marc a friendly pat on the back, and says, “in that case, you and I are copacetic.”

=======================================================================

**Tuesday Afternoon**

“You don’t need to drive me to the airport,” he repeats for the fifth time. “It’ll take you longer to drive me there and back than it would to fly to Berlin.”  
They had both taken a half day off to run practice interviews in preparation for Kay’s meeting with Müller tomorrow.  
Marc is sitting on the couch with the Bereitschaftspolizei handbook open in his hand, and Kay’s head in his lap.  
“I don’t mind, babe. It means we’ll get another hour together before you go.”  
Kay pushes himself up, gives him a quick kiss, and makes his way to the bedroom.  
He gets his packed roller board, “I won’t argue with that. Ready?”

Marc drives up to the departures terminal, turns to Kay, cups his face, and says, “you’re going to impress the hell out of Müller. If not with your brilliant mind, then with your sexy good looks. Go get the job!”  
They kiss goodbye and Kay walks into the terminal with an amused grin spread across his face. 

=========================================================================

**Friday Morning**** **

****

Kay caught the earliest flight back that morning so they could drive directly from the airport to the station.  
The interview had gone so well that Müller had asked him to stay an extra night so he could go to dinner and get to know the rest of the team in Berlin. 

On the way to the station, Marc reminds him that Lukas would be spending the weekend in Munich, and the plan is for Kay to join them Saturday evening for dinner, and if all goes well, they’d all spend Sunday together. 

“You really think I forgot, Marc? Come on, it’s a big deal for me too,” he draws small circles on Marc’s thigh as he’s driving. “I’m not an idiot. I know that a life with you means a life with Lukas. I’m excited to finally meet him.”  
Marc smiles at him, reassured.  
“I’m going to stop in Ludwigsburg before I pick him up tomorrow,” he adds haltingly.  
Kay gives him a questioning look, “Frank?” he asks.  
Marc shakes his head no. “I’m going to tell my parents about us.”  
The blond nods solemnly, hand still rubbing Marc’s thigh.  
“That should be an interesting conversation.” 

**=======================================================================**

****

**Saturday Morning, Ludwigsburg**

Marc pulls into the spare parking spot by his childhood home at 10:45 am. Though it’s just 15 minutes past the time he’d told her to expect him, he knows she’s inside pacing. Worrying. Wondering where he is, and where his manners had gone. Being punctual is a fundamental way to show others respect. She’d raised him on this traditional German value.

But he hadn’t quite grown into the man she intended to raise... 

Ever since the big falling out, nearly four years ago, when he’d confessed to them that he was in love with Kay and they refused to speak with him, he hasn’t walked into this house without knocking and being invited in. Like a guest. 

He missed them. Missed the easy, dependable, close knit warmth he’d taken for granted his entire life, until the day she’d seen them kiss at the hospital. That cursed day that was the catalyst to the downward spiral of his life; breaking things off with Kay, and ultimately, the estrangement from his parents.  
He had Bettina to thank for helping them get back on speaking terms, for learning to at least be civil, cordial, for Lukas’ sake.  
But they hadn’t felt like a family since. 

As he walks up to the front door, he can’t help but imagine how wonderful it would be to have their love, support, and understanding, even for a lifestyle they can’t understand. But he knows that instead of being happy for him, they’ll be scandalized, disappointed, heartbroken. He raps on the door and braces himself. 

“Hallo Marc,” his mother opens it immediately, as if she’d been peeking through the peephole, just waiting for his knock. 

“Hi mama.” 

A perfunctory hug. 

They sit down at the table, his father joins while she serves coffee. 

“How’s the new job? You haven’t been here in a while. We don’t know much about your new life,” his father says. 

He puts his coffee cup back on the saucer and replies, “it’s good. My boss seems happy with my ideas and the new unit is finishing basic training. Our first demonstration is next week.” 

“And how’s Lukas? We rarely see him now that you’re so far away. Bettina brings him over sometimes on Thursday evenings when she goes to spin class with Claudia, but we haven’t spent a weekend with him since before you moved.” The pain in his mother’s voice sends a wave of guilt through him. “I’ll ask Bettina to try to bring him over more often,” he promises. 

They drink their coffees in silence for a few moments. 

“Mama, Papa, I stopped by to tell you something,” he begins, knowing he just has to tear off the band aid and deal with their reaction, whatever it might be. 

They look at him with similar anxious expressions, worried as usual, no doubt expecting the worst. 

"Something wonderful has happened to me, and I want you to know about it. Kay Engel is also stationed in Munich, and we’ve been working together for the past few months.” 

Their discomfort is evident in their facial expressions and body language, but he charges on. 

“We’re together now, publicly, we’re not hiding like we did here. In fact, I’m going to introduce him to Lukas today.” 

He’s getting antsy, their silence is unsettling. 

“I know this isn’t what you hoped for, but I want you to know that I’m happier than I’ve been in years, maybe ever.” 

When neither one says anything, he adds sadly, “I’m sorry you can’t be happy for me,” and turns towards the door. 

"Marc wait,” his father asks, “don’t go, you just got here.” 

Marc looks at him incredulously, “did you hear what I said, Papa?” 

“I heard. You’re together with Kay Engel. I won’t pretend that makes me happy, Marc, but…you say it makes you happy. I will have to learn to live with it.”  
Marc sits back down, overwrought but hopeful. 

It may not be the ideal response, but it’s much better than what he expected. 

It’s a start. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's it, guys, this is the final chapter.  
The major conflicts have been resolved.  
The ones that remain, the boys have learned to face and will deal with them together.
> 
> I will post an epilogue to leave us all with feelgood vibes. :-)

**Saturday noon, Stuttgart**

Bettina lets him in and leads him to the living room for “a quick chat”, as she put it.  
“Where’s Lukas?” Marc asks, when his son doesn't run into his arms excitedly.  
“I asked Stephane to take him out for a bike ride so you and I could talk.”

He follows her reluctantly and takes a seat on a large armchair.  
Her body is tense as she sits on the couch across from him, a telltale sign that she must be nervous, maybe even uncomfortable about what they’re about to discuss. She opens with a few pleasantries, but quickly gets to her point. 

“I would like to ask that Kay not spend the night when Lukas stays with you.”  
Marc’s eyes narrow, but before he allows his anger to erupt, he wants to give her the benefit of the doubt, make sure he understood her correctly.  
“Come again?”  
She sighs.  
“You heard me, Marc. I’m not trying to be mean or to punish you. But it’s a new relationship, and I don’t think Lukas should be exposed to,” she stammers a bit, but manages to continue, “that.”  
He can feel the rage bubbling inside him.  
“That?” he croaks.  
“By ‘that’ you mean a loving relationship between his father and his boyfriend?”

Bettina’s face closes off. He knows that expression well. It’s the one she’d get towards the end of his affair with Kay, when he’d feed her another lame excuse and leave for a few hours.

Keeping his temper under control is becoming a real struggle.

“Bettina, I know I hurt you. I know that. But how is what you’re doing now anything but a way to punish me for choosing Kay over you?”  
The hurt is so raw and visible on her face when he says it, it’s as if he slapped her. She holds her head in her hands, her frustration palpable.  
“I knew you’d take it there, but that’s not what I’m saying.” She places her hands in her lap, smooths her expression and tries to start over.  
“This isn’t about the fact that it’s Kay or that he’s a man,” her voice is gentler.

Marc snorts in disbelief.

“Marc, it wouldn’t matter to me if Kay was a woman. What concerns me is how new the relationship is. I want us to be responsible about who we expose Lukas to. If you and Kay are still together in a couple of months, then maybe it will make sense. But for now, I just don’t think he should see you having overnight guests.”  
Marc gets up and begins pacing the room, trying to keep from blowing up at this nonsense.

“I don’t remember you asking me for permission when Stephane started spending nights here.” He spits out. “In fact, last time I was here, he said he was about to move in. I don’t remember getting a vote about that either.”  
Bettina crosses her arms defensively, “Stephane didn’t spend the night until we’d been dating exclusively for 4 months. I wanted to be sure he would stick around before taking that step. Which is all I’m asking you to do.” Her tone is resigned but tired.

Marc stops pacing, sits back down facing her intently, “I can’t even tell if you really believe the things you’re saying, Bettina. Kay isn’t just a guy I met and started dating. You of all people should know that.”  
He lets out a mirthless laugh.  
“You want me to be sure he’ll stick around before I have him around Lukas? You’re in luck, cause I’m planning to ask him to move in with me tonight.”

As soon as he says those final words, the door opens and Stephane walks in with Lukas. As if by invitation.

==============================================================================

**Late Afternoon, Marc’s Apartment**** **

****

Lukas always naps on the drive from Stuttgart to Munich, which means he’s energetic and ready to have fun from the moment they arrive. They’re in his bedroom playing with his Playmobil space station when they hear Kay clear his throat from the doorway.  
Marc turns to him with a smile, and says “Lukas, this is my good friend Kay. Remember I told you he was coming over to have dinner with us tonight?” Lukas looks at Kay standing in the doorway and asks, “do you want to play too?” holding up a Playmobil astronaut. Kay joins them on the rug, and quickly begins taking commands from Lukas on what to do. 

A half an hour later Marc leaves them on their own and heads over to the kitchen to warm up dinner. When it’s ready, he peeks into Lukas’ bedroom. His heart swells at the image of Kay sitting with his back against the bed, legs outstretched, reading Max und Moritz, with Lukas’ head resting in his lap.  
“Dinner’s ready,” Marc says softly.  
“We’re in the middle of a story!” Lukas objects loudly, and Kay chuckles. “Why don’t we go eat now, and we can finish reading when we’re done?” Lukas agrees grudgingly and follows them to the table. 

Over dinner Lukas rattles off question after question at Kay,  
“What’s your job?”  
“Do you know my Papa is a policeman?”  
“I live in Stuttgart, my Papa lives in Munich and my Oma and Opa live in Ludwigsburg. Where do you live, Kay?”  
“My best friend is Ben. Who’s your best friend?” 

Kay tries to answer them as best he can, but it’s hard to keep up.  
“I’m a policeman too. I know your Papa is a policeman because we work together.”  
“I live in Munich, just like your Papa”  
“I don’t know…I haven’t thought about who my best friend is. Maybe…your Papa?” he winks at Marc, and Lukas shakes his head vehemently, “my Papa can’t be your best friend because he already has Frank!” 

They laugh indulgently and Marc explains, “sometimes you can have more than one best friend.”  
After dinner Marc cleans up and Kay finishes reading to Lukas. When Marc joins them in the bedroom, Lukas’ eyelids are heavy and he’s barely staying awake. Marc helps him change into PJs quickly and tucks him in under the covers. “Stay!” Lukas commands sweetly, and both men obey, sitting side by side by his bed. 

================================================================================= 

“How weird was that for you?” Marc asks later, on the balcony, as he wraps Kay in his arms.  
“It was new. A little different. But sweet,” he admits. “I didn’t hate it.”  
“Well that was just dipping a toe in. We’ll see how you feel after a full day of domesticity tomorrow,” Marc teases, touching his forehead to Kay’s. 

Kay pulls them both over to the outdoor sofa Marc had recently set up, once he realized they were spending too many evenings sitting on hard chairs they drag outside. He lays on the sofa and pulls Marc in to spoon against him. Then asks, “how did it go with your parents?”  
Marc sighs, “better than I expected. They didn’t throw me out this time.”  
Kay tightens his grip. He’s never been close with his own parents, but he knows how painful the rift is for Marc.  
“My dad surprised me. He seemed almost accepting. I’m scared to get my hopes up, but who knows? Maybe things will get better with them.”  
Marc’s tone is wistful. 

They continue holding one another in a comfortable silence for a few moments, when Kay asks,  
“And Bettina? Is she still mad?”  
He groans with frustration. “She’s not taking us getting back together well. We’d been getting along so well before, but ever since I told her about us, it’s like we’re back to square one. She’s angry and hurt and unreasonable.” 

Kay slips his hands under Marc’s shirt, caressing his chest and stomach, wanting to reassure him.  
“She didn’t want me to meet him, did she?” he asks.  
Marc nuzzles his head against the blond's shoulder, “she doesn’t get to run my life. She has her own life which I have no say over. I’m not taking instructions from her on how to live mine.” 

Kay props himself up on his side so he can look at Marc. “I’m sorry I’m the cause of all this.”  
Marc shakes his head slowly and smiles up at him. He brings his finger to Kay’s mouth and traces it gently, as Kay leans into his touch. “I don’t care about any of that,” his tone resolute, “I’ve made my choice.” 

Kay lowers his face and leans in for a slow, deliberate, sensual kiss. When they part, Marc looks up at him with a bemused half smile and asks, “ever thought of just leaving it all behind, taking off, starting over?” Kay smiles back but isn’t sure he’s following.  
Marc’s smile widens, “ok, maybe not leave *everything* behind…how about just leaving your apartment behind? Taking off and starting over, here, with me?” 


	17. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 years later...
> 
> This is the most explicit chapter of the story, so brace yourselves for just a little bit of smut.

**Ten Years Later**

**Before the Party**

“I mean it Kay, I’m not singing tonight. I told you at your 40th, it was the last time,” he says sternly, but there’s a hint of humor in his voice. Kay laughs and tightens his hold, pulling Marc in closer, as he purrs “oh you’ll sing, babe. And I’ll howl for you afterwards.” 

=======================================================================================

Alex and Frank have made the trip to Munich for Kay’s birthday party, as they try to do every year. The four men have made a tradition of starting the day with brunch to commemorate that awful first meeting. It’s their inside joke that serves as an annual reunion they all look forward to.

This year the party will be tame, a friends and family event, with Lukas joining them. At 15, the strong willed, opinionated teen can be challenging to handle, especially when Marc asserts his parental authority. The last year has seen the rise of new tensions between father and son, and the dynamic of their relationship has shifted to reflect the ongoing power struggle between them.  
Kay doesn’t interfere, he never has. At least not in front of Lukas. But when they’re alone, just the two of them, he tries to soften Marc’s approach, to show him firm discipline isn’t always the answer, still reminding him, at times, to breathe evenly.

Marc and Bettina have managed to find some form of peace over the years that has enabled them to co-parent effectively, if not warmly. She still cares for Marc, even after all these years. But there’s something deep inside her that has never thawed when it comes to seeing him and Kay together.  
They do their best to respect that, so Kay stays out of her way.

Beside the difficulties, there have also been triumphs. Marc’s parents had slowly but surely come around, accepted his choice and ultimately welcomed Kay into their family. The first years had been strenuous. Marc had gotten his hopes shattered more than once, and Kay was always there to stand by him, hold him up, breathing evenly for him, when Marc couldn't. 

And the three of them had become a family just as Marc had dreamt of years ago. They’ve grown together, supported one another, created memories, spent long summer days on Lake Starnberg; teaching Lukas to swim, paddle, sail.  
Marc knows that this past summer, Kay had taught him a few other things too, like rolling a joint and how to flirt with girls. The joint he hadn’t been thrilled about. But he found himself intrigued by the second lesson.  
He’d been watching them, peeking from inside the tent, as they sat by the fire. Kay ,who, as far as Marc knew, hadn’t flirted with a girl in at least 25 years, explained to Lukas the secret was to always leave them wanting just a little bit more than you were willing to give. And walking away, so they’d have to come to you for more.  
Marc smiled as he thought back to all the times Kay had reeled him in using that exact tactic. From their very first interactions at the academy, through the affair in Ludwigsburg, and throughout the life they’d built together in Munich. Kay was always giving just enough to awaken Marc’s interest, and then pulling back, making Marc come back for more. 

Their relationship had also changed through the years. The intense early days when they had felt a constant animalistic urge to possess one another, days that had been marked by the volatile roller coaster of emotion neither thought they’d ever be able to control, have made way for a more mature, deep devotion; loving, passionate but also stable, unwavering. 

The last decade had been good to them. Thanks to professional obligation, both have remained active and fit. But age hasn’t passed them by. Kay’s brow, which used to furrow when he was thinking, is now frozen in a habitual furrow. “Makes you look smart, like you’re always deep in thought,” Marc joked when Kay complained in front of the mirror last month. And Marc’s hair is sprinkled with salt and pepper, which Kay assures him only makes him sexier.

They’d weathered more than one storm together, but there was one particular event that had come close to threatening everything they’d built.  
Four years ago, Kay had been offered a promotion that required relocating to Berlin. Knowing Marc couldn’t move to Berlin while Lukas was in Stuttgart, he’d never considered accepting. But he’d made the mistake of telling Marc about it. True to form, Marc’s guilt over blocking Kay’s career led him to push Kay away in a subconscious attempt to offer his partner an out, a way to leave Marc behind and accept the promotion. Initially Kay had been confused and hurt by Marc’s behavior, but ultimately, he’d found a way to force Marc to open his eyes and see what he was doing to Kay, to them, to their family. “I chose us, Marc. And I still do. No job is more important than that.” 

=======================================================================================

And here they are, four years later, still in love, still together, still happy.  
And Marc, still committed to throwing Kay a birthday party every year. His final competitive act against Jan, his little way of ensuring Kay never has a reason to second guess his choice.

=======================================================================================

**After the Party**

“You didn’t sing,” a tinge of disappointment creeps into his voice.  
Marc shakes his head and chuckles as he enters the bathroom. While he waits, Kay undresses down to his boxers and slips under the covers  
A few minutes later, Marc emerges dressed in an unexpectedly form-fitting, clearly unofficial police uniform, and stands before the bed looking ridiculously sexy.  
Kay’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and he props himself up to a seating position, as he lets out a confused “what the…?” 

“Alexa, play Closer by Nine Inch Nails,” Marc commands in a voice dripping with desire.

He squares his eyes directly onto Kay’s, “this year’s performance is private, for your eyes only.”

The song begins and Marc starts moving his hips in ways Kay had never seen them move before; thrusting, twerking, grinding to the music. The uniform, Kay is blown away to discover, is a striptease costume, and Marc is working it for him with everything he’s got. 

__**You let me violate you  
** __**You let me desecrate you  
** __**You let me penetrate you  
** __**You let me complicate you  
** __**Help me  
** __**I broke apart my insides  
** __**Help me  
** __**I've got no soul to sell  
** __**Help me  
** __**The only thing that works for me  
** __**Help me get away from myself  
** __**I want to fuck you like an animal  
** __**I want to feel you from the inside  
** __**I want to fuck you like an animal  
** _**My whole existence is flawed  
**_ _**You get me closer to god **_

As he dances to the final verse, Marc makes his way onto the bed, straddling Kay, their bulging erections grinding against each other. Kay finds his mouth and thrusts his tongue inside, frantically battling Marc’s own for domination. Marc bucks his hips against Kay’s, increasing the friction between their cocks, and whispers in his ear, “now, you’re going to howl for me”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Closer by Nine Inch Nails (abridged version). I own nothing. Not the song, not the characters. Just the imaginary events.


End file.
